Coming Out Of The Closet

October 11, 2007 at 10:25 pm (Alternative Lifestyles, Domestic Discipline, This Thing We Do)

In the September 3rd Issue of Newsweek magazine a woman by the name of Loraine Barr submitted an article for the My Turn column entitled The Love That Will Finally Speak Its Name.  Loraine’s story is about being a lesbian in the 1940’s, 50’s and 60’s. She went to UCLA, had a career, and lived with her partner for 44 years “in the closet”. She now is 86, and lives in a retirement community in California. She writes:

Finally, after almost nine years after my beloved partner’s death, I am able to do what I could never have braved in earlier years: present myself herewith to the world as a lesbian, along with all the women who ask to be judged by the full facet of our characters.

Loraine got me thinking about what it might have been like for her, needing to live secretly in plain sight. I felt moved by the pain of isolation and loneliness she described.  She and her partner could not disclose their relationship to even their closest heterosexual friends. I think some of us in this TTWD circle feel the same way. Women in particular tend to need and thus develop intimate female friendships. We share ourselves with our friends, and yet must hold back a big part of who we are. Whether you are in D/s, BSMD or Dd relationship, it is likely you are closeted. We are teachers and lawyers and housewives and firemen. Our jobs, friendships, and even family acceptance depends on staying “in the closet”.

One of the many reasons I wanted to write this blog was to put out there, at least in the cyber world of not my real one, that very real and ‘normal’ people live this way. I think it is important. As I said in my first post, blogs were instrumental in helping me, and thus us, find our way into a Dd lifestyle. It is not as if most of us have anyone to model ourselves after. We learn by reading and then taking what we think might apply or work for us and trying it out. Part of the process is finding a way to come to terms with our own ‘kink’, in my case spanking.

Accepting that you have a kink, allowing it, developing it are all part of what we go through. It helps, or at least it helped me, to know that I am not the only one. And then when I found a few to relate to, that helped further. I could read about someone else and think ‘well she sounds real and basically OK. Maybe I can begin to think of myself as OK too.’

No one really knows how many people are into spanking, let alone the various lifestyles that dovetail with that particular sexual kink. I do know there are lots and lots of us! Since starting this blog almost six weeks ago, I have been fascinated by the blog stats function that WordPress offers. Here are mine:

Blog Stats   Total Views:  8,770     Best Day Ever: 508    Views today: 216

Who are all these people? Where have you come from and why are you here? A very few of you leave comments, but since there are only 1 or 2 left a day, if I am lucky, I know the other 200+ of you are silent. Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts has declared Friday, October 12th as Love Our Lurkers Day. She has challenged us to ask you all to speak out, let us know who you are, maybe to just say “Hi”. I am going to pass that challenge on.

What would it mean if more of us spoke up, connected, talked about being different from what we believe mainstream society currently says is normal and acceptable? Even anonymously, I contend it makes a difference. Please consider taking that step and leaving proof that someone is here with me…with us. Your post can be anonymous, or you can use a fictitious name. The email addresses do not show up. Think about leaving your mark here on this path, so that others making their journey will know you too have passed this way! Thank you!

8 Comments

  1. Marcus said,

    October 12, 2007 at 12:58 am

    Hello,

    Very nice blog indeed! Awesome! Keep up the good work. I am a 25 yeard old switch who enjoys BDSM, witchraft, and many other interests. I have more interests than I can count. One reason that I have so many links. In any event. I wanted to leave a comment for you to let you know I appreciate your hard work as a blogger. Please don’t ever stop blogging!

    Marcus

  2. hermione said,

    October 12, 2007 at 8:59 am

    Hi Sara,
    I enjoy your blog, and what you have said today is something I been thinking more and more. Discovering, through the power of the internet, how many people are enjoying TTWD, in all its various permutations, has been such a releasing experience. I really do feel I have ‘come out’ if only in the cyber world.
    The flip side is, I now worry that I may forget myself and come out, if only to a tiny degree, in the vanilla world too. Not sure I could handle that.
    Hugs,
    Hermione

  3. Bonnie said,

    October 12, 2007 at 9:42 am

    Sara,

    I love your blog and your insightful writing. I’m not a lurker, but I am a big fan. Thanks for all you do.

    I hope you get a great LOL turnout today!

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

  4. Purple Angel said,

    October 12, 2007 at 1:27 pm

    Thank you for your wonderful post today. It was both intelligent and insightful. I will be back and I hope you find time to stop by my blog as well.
    Hugs,
    Purple Angel

  5. sideriteguy said,

    October 12, 2007 at 10:11 pm

    Enjoy your blog. I am not active, but you give me hope. Thanks

  6. aprilwriter said,

    October 13, 2007 at 1:33 am

    Hello,

    Its my first time here, but now that I’ve come, you know I’ll be back. Happy LOL Day!

    Naughtybuttcute
    http://sublimesubmission.blogspot.com/

  7. Sara said,

    October 13, 2007 at 4:38 am

    I appreciate the kind and thoughtful comments. I really feel strongly that coming out of the closet, at very least to ourselves, is part of a healthy and fulfilling life’s journey. And then, of course, after we know who we are, learning to love ourselves comes next. The support of this community means a lot to me, and to so many silent participants out there, too. Thank you for taking the time to speak up! For those who can’t…yet, you are always welcome here! Sara

  8. emily said,

    October 13, 2007 at 9:13 pm

    Howdy Sara.. Followed your blog thru fellow bloggers. Dropping in to say howdy and Happy LOL!!

    emily

Post a Comment