Should He Let Me Eat Cake?
I have been trying to lose weight for all my life it seems. For many women, me included, weight, body image, and self esteem are all tied up in some unhealthy ways. The difference for me now is that I know I need to lose weight for health reasons. What size I fit into has taken a back seat to how my body works as I get older. I know 50 is not ancient, no matter what my teens say, but it is old enough that I now do have some mileage on me, and it has become apparent that I need to care for the machine I call my body more carefully.
With a couple of diagnoses over the past two years that required a radical change in diet, and then eventually an exercise regime for my spine, and then ultimately doctor ordered weight loss to help better manage the herniated discs, health and diet have become a key Dd issue that Grant and I deal with on a regular basis. It is hard at times for me, but I do appreciate that he insists I take care of myself. What I know rationally, and what I feel, are not always the same, however.
I have watched friends try to make weight loss a Dd issue, and pretty much across the board they failed. At some level it seemed to me they were making the weight loss their husband’s responsibility instead of their own. The husband became the one committed to the diet rules, and the wife was thus able to say she was dieting, but then not, and get spanked, to do the same thing again the next week. Dd games get old. Not that I think there is anything wrong with games mind you, as long as you do admit to yourself that it is a game! Weight is such an intensely personal issue, and unless you are truly committed, I just think you are doomed to failure no matter what.
For me, I have felt truly threatened if Grant commented on my weight. To think he found me unattractive would send me into a spiral of self loathing that was very destructive. Ironically the more I have been able to accept myself as I am, and to feel Grant truly feels attracted to me, as I am, the more able I am to put aside all the emotional garbage and just see it for what it is…extra pounds. I have lost quite a bit in the last year by focusing on health rather than looks. I have read over at a blog, American Spanking Society of their Diet Group where a number of dieters are using spanking as a reward or punishment related to diet goals. I just never thought I could do that. My gut feeling was that if I had to do a weekly weigh-in in front of Grant, and be spanked for not losing weight, that I would somehow get tied up in it being something he wants me to do for him, and thus that I am not good enough as I am. Now I realize I have issues around this stuff…but who doesn’t? And then when we play we play, and when there is discipline there is discipline. He does not spank for unimportant things. Is my losing weight important enough to spank for? I am not sure.
At any rate, I have committed to stick to my medical diet and to exercise, and I do very well on the diet for the most part, and try to keep up with the exercise. As I have admitted before, that is more of a challenge for me. Last weekend, when I went away with friends, I went off my diet for the two days I was there. Grant knew I would, and it was ok, but when I got back and he realized I was wound up, tense, moody, he decided some of that was linked to me binging on carbs. A year ago a nutritionist I saw told me I don’t process carbohydrates well, and I should avoid them, especially the simple ones. I discovered I felt much better when I did, and realized that I seem to crave more and more when I do indulge. So for the most part I do not eat sugar, bread, pasta…all the good stuff. And I do ok with this, except when I don’t. When I fall off the wagon I eat any carb I can get my hands on. This makes me feel lousy, but I have a hard time controlling it! Grant has told me time and again that if I plan to have treat for desert, to eat a sensible dinner. Can I ask what fun is that?
Anyway, after the last weekend, he announced during maintenance that for now on I am not allowed to cheat, at all, without asking permission from him first! I was not in a position to argue at the time. I have found that while being spanked is not the time to disagree. I have also tried to argue my point to Grant that anything I agree to while OTK should not be held against me! He disagrees. I think sometimes in marriage you have to agree to disagree!
So now it is a week since I have this new rule. As I have been pretty sick the last few days, I have not had much of an appetite anyway. I also have not been able to exercise. I weighed myself this morning and am one pound down from last week. Ok, good enough, especially with no exercise, except that now that I am feeling a bit better, I really want to eat the cake that he brought home for the kids last night! I think him leaving Jewish Apple cake on the kitchen table on a Sunday morning with a note that says “First Come First Serve” might count as permission to eat it…right?
I could have argued a case for that interpretation, especially when he left for a Board meeting early this morning and is thus out of the house! Well I didn’t because I know better, but it has left me rethinking how I feel about this new rule. Is it too…controlling, or invasive? Is it different than telling me I must lock the door every time I leave, or not drive over 70 MPH on the highway? Am I questioning this just because it is new and I do not like it? Because I want to eat cake? I am not sure.
I Hate Being Sick!
I am trying to think of something to write about, anything even vaguely interesting, but my brain is stuck in first gear. My mind is a bit fuzzy.
I started getting sick on Tuesday night, but put in a 12 hour work day on Wednesday anyway. It was an unusual day and I just had to. Thursday I stayed home in bed. I am sure Grant would have wanted me to stay home on Friday, but I had two important meetings, and he was out of town on business anyway. By 5:30 when I left, I was really dragging!
It turns out I have a sinus infection, and finally have started on antibiotics. I guess in a day or two I will be better. In the meantime I am being waited on, cooked for, bossed, growled at, and threatened if I get out of bed except to sit in the living room or come to the table to eat. I have barely the energy to mind the bossing today, Maybe by tomorrow I will feel fit enough to get feisty and stage a rebellion. I will be sure to blog a full report if I manage that!
In the meantime I am being well cared for. Grant even went out at 9 PM tonight to buy me some diet root beer when I fussed at him about wanting to go off my diet with the great excuse of not feeling well. He was not having any of that, but got me the root beer. It is hard to stay cranky with a guy who does all that!
Prioritizing Us
Once again we have a lot going on. Isn’t life always like that? There are comings and goings and life changes abounding! Our daughter returned from her trip to Ireland and goes back to college many miles away this coming weekend.
Our oldest son is BACK, thank God! But back apparently means we now have the normal young adult issues to deal with. He is applying to transfer colleges and is suddenly unsure where he wants to go or what he wants to do. He has reconnected with his old first love, and they are suddenly a couple again. She is a lovely girl, very nice, and smart, and pretty. She also has three tattoos and three piercings (at least there are three that I can see). If there are more I do not want to know about them! I realize I sound like an old person, but so be it! Grant could not even bring himself to look when she showed us her tattoos at the family dinner table on Sunday night! She is 20 and our son is 21. They are old enough to make decisions for themselves and young enough to make their mistakes. I hope I have the strength to weather all of those that will surely come!
My Dad, at 86 years old, has decided to get a divorce from his second wife, and needs to come stay with us. I am flying to Florida next week to collect him and help with the move. When parents get older they need lots of help, and as we all know, they become another responsibility, another thing on my/our plate. And then there is work, my work, Grants work, life. How do we keep ourselves sane and connected through all of this?
One of the most important things we have learned through this Dd portion of our marriage is how essential it is to prioritize us. I used to put the kids first. I thought that this was what being a good Mom required. I have learned I made a mistake with that. Grant always had a sense of the ‘right’ order to things, and always knew that if we were ok, the family and thus the kids would be ok. It took a long time for me to ‘get’ that. I thought that catering to the kids, meeting their needs would enrich them, make them feel loved. I did not realize how neglecting us and our marriage would detract from the kids having an intuitive sense of order and security in their lives. When we are together as a couple, they feel deep down that their shelter, their world is in intact. Anything else, their individual needs and issues fall inside that protection that our marriage offers.
Grant and I have also found that as individuals we prosper when our marriage does. Each of us within ourselves, and even at work, do better when we are in harmony. It seems so basic when you write it out like that, and yet it took us years to realize that we needed to prioritize us. For us that means the fun stuff -the couple time, and also the Dd time, maintenance and sometimes discipline. It means we need to remember that every time we let the Dd slip, we are affecting every other place in our lives adversely. It also means, we have learned, that sometimes we need to step the Dd up. Sometimes, given life’s curves, we need more.
With everything going on I need more right now. I need to feel the security of Grant’s control, mostly because so many things suddenly seem out of my control. With trial and error over the past two plus years I have learned to try to tell him when I start to feel like this, and he has learned to respond by setting up more structure. It seems silly in a way, but we know it works. It helps, to start with, that we do maintenance twice a week, every week, without fail, unless one of us is sick. That was part of making the commitment to us. We also have one date night a week, again, all about us. For right now Grant has re instituted a routine where he gives me assignments, a list of things he wants me to accomplish within a set amount of time. Usually these are household related, or something he wants me to do for me. Whatever it is, the point is it makes me focus on his expectations, and my response to those. It steps up the dynamic of him giving direction and me taking it. Of course there are consequences attached, but rarely is that an issue, because I really do try to comply.
We started this last summer when Grant was way so much on business, and we needed something to keep the power dynamic alive through the separations. It worked. Now, when we are emotionally apart, when I feel like I am starting to drift, it can work as well. It is sort a call back to focus on what is important. An aid in prioritizing us. Part of what makes us US is the power exchange, and keeping that working on a daily basis has been the key to the strength of our marriage in the past couple of years. I do think it has little to do with the actual Dd tools we use, but more with the fact that we have made the decision to put our marriage first. We refuse to let the kids, the parents, the jobs, come before our marriage. Somehow that decision and the power that has come from that has enhanced all those situations and relationships rather than detracting from them.
When we talked a few nights ago, during maintenance, I admitted to Grant I am feeling scared of all these changes. I am worried about my Dad coming to live with us, and how it will impact our intimacy and togetherness. He answered that we would have to make a decision to not let it, and on top of that he “would not allow it”. THAT was what I needed to hear.
Meeting Dd Friends
One of the things I have realized is that in a way our journey into Domestic discipline has ended up being more a about self actualization for us than about Dd. I am not yet sure of it is that to make Dd work you have to find your inner self and let her out, or if it is because at this time in my life I was ready to get to know parts of myself that were buried. For me that happened to be my submissive self. It was that which led me to wanting and needing a Dd lifestyle, that and the need for a marriage that actually worked, had a balance of power, and in which Grant and I could we could both be happy.
Either way, I am now a person who feels more in tune with my self than I did several years ago. This journey has taken me away from mainstream lifestyle choices. Our lifestyle has morphed into what is thought of as an alternate one now. That which was main stream fifty years ago is now outdated. It is considered undesirable at best and kinky at worst. Interestingly enough, fifty years a go a woman who went her own way, lived alone and pursued a career, rather than marrying and submitting to a husband was ‘out there’. Now a women who chooses to submit to a husband, accepts discipline, gives up her control and independence is ‘out there’! I have the perception of myself with a life that incorporates both those choices, as a choice. I am that independent professional woman, and also that submissive wife, and both by choice. That feels wonderful, and pretty different than most women I know in ‘real life’.
It is very relaxing and comforting to be with friends with whom I can be myself, more of all of my self than I can bring to most situations. I have been away since very early Friday morning, hence the silence here. This weekend I had family to see, and business to attend to in Florida. I also had the opportunity to meet up with two Dd women friends overnight. One was vacationing in Florida, and one lives there. We met in a hotel in Tampa for a Saturday lunch and spent 24 hours doing what women do. We walked and talked and, we shopped and talked and we ate and talked. When we were too tired and full to do anything else, we went up to the hotel room and sat and talked. It was perfect!
There is a comfort that comes from being with friends who accept you as you are, who see the outer self, the inner self, and understand and appreciate both. As content as Grant and I are, I still need women friends. We understand each other in a different way, and have a different kind of connection. I have a few women friends in ‘real life’ that I enjoy, but they do not know this inner me, and there is a gulf between us, unspoken, that exists due to that lifestyle difference. Their marriages are different, particularly their power dynamics. They are not as invested in their marriages. They seem to neither give nor get so much from each other, nor do they expect more than what they have. They do not know our secret.
This lifestyle takes a good deal of focus and work, and being with friends who ‘get’ that feels good. We can share things that can be shared no where else. This has little to do with spanking, though of course it is part of it, but a lot more to do with how we choose to live our lives, over all. Thus I have seen, even within Dd circles, many who do not choose to live their lives the way Gant and I do. With the few who do, we feel a strong bond. These good friends understand that the inner me exists, and I do not have to hide. The freedom that comes from that, the ability to talk about our marriages, experiences, husband’s expectations, rules, punishments, are all out there, and understood. It is freeing and confirming, and it really was fun!
Doors – An Open and Shut Case
I guess I have an issue with them. I don’t know, but Grant seems to think I do. I think he does! He insists they be locked and I like to leave them open. House doors, car doors, all doors in fact. It is easier, convenient and more friendly. Now on the other hand were I to ever lock a door with him on the other side…well that is a whole other thing isn’t it?
Now let me add we live in ‘Brigadoon’, on the outskirts of a small historic village off the beaten track about an hour outside of a major city. When we moved here 20 yrs ago it was rural. Now it is a mix of rural and suburban, but the farms coexist peacefully, and there are lots of woods and wildlife, little traffic and the neighbors have been here for years too. I am sitting at our kitchen table looking out my window at horse pastures and the woods that surround us. We do not have mail delivery. Everyone has a P.O. box and we go chat with Rob the postmaster, collect our bills and circulars, and meet and greet neighbors. There is a bulletin board there where teens advertise for yard work and babysitting. In Mayberry people did NOT have to lock their doors!
Grant has always wanted the doors locked, being the cautious type. Of course, in years gone by I more or less ignored what I thought as irrelevant. Now I still just seem to forget. Last year he started insisting that I check all the doors and windows before bed when he is away on business. Part of what makes this so difficult is that Grant has, since day one of our marriage, been the door locker. He feels in a very old fashioned way that security is his job, and he took it on from the beginning of our married life. I tend to not think about it, and that just confirms that I do not need to, and thus that he does, apparently! He calls me at night and asks, and I promised him I would be careful to be sure they are all locked when he is away. I do this for him, to ease his mind.
Then one day I was telling him a story about walking out of the bedroom, in my pajamas no less, while he was away, and finding his brother standing in the kitchen. It was a small side point I was making in the story when Grant stopped me with “Wait a second…back up! What do you mean he just walked right in? Wasn’t the front door locked?” “Well, um, no, it wasn’t.” “Didn’t I tell you I want the doors locked at night?” ”Grant, it was only 6:30 PM!” “I don’t care what time it was, it was after dark! I want that door locked at dusk from now on!” Sheesh, another door rule to try to remember?
Then a number of months ago Grant started on locking the doors when we go out. We have never locked these doors unless we were going away overnight! In fact for the first 15 years in the house the front door locked with a skeleton key…rather inconvenient to carry around!
Now he wants to lock them when we go out, even if the boys are at home. I have tried…sort of. In truth, I have kept the door key in a little compartment in my car and not even on my key chain. Oh, and that truly did not impress Grant at all, when he realized that the home for my door key is yep, you guessed it, in my unlocked car! Who is going to bother my car? I do lock it when I go into the city. But in front of our house, so far off the road it can barely be seen from the road, who is breaking into my car? I don’t know, but now Grant warns if my car is stolen or robbed while unlocked, I am going to be seriously punished. OK, so my car gets stolen and I get punished??? That sounds like a lose/lose to me! To lock it I always have to know where my keys are. I have keyless entry. I certainly do not need another thing to have to think about and keep track of! Now I throw a set in the car, and another in my briefcase, and don’t need to think about it. Sigh, so now I need tp put my house key and my car key on my key chain, and then know where the keys are at all times! This man is complicating my life!
Now, the Grande finale, and I guess the end to the door wars. Sunday we took the boys out to lunch. I was already upset about something else that morning, an outside thing having nothing to do with us. I was distracted, I needed to talk to him, and he could certainly tell I was rather worked up. Grant was ready first and went to sit in the car and wait with our older son, I assume listening to the radio. I waited inside for our younger son. A few minutes later we went out, pulling the door behind. I truly did not have one glimmer of thought about locking the door, and Grant later told me he assumed I would. I know it sounds strange if you are a door locker, but the thought never occurred to me! We had a nice enough lunch, good family time, and then headed home to relax and Grant was going to watch football. He knew I was upset and needed to talk though, and said jokingly, looking at his watch, I can give you 10 minutes before the game! I know it was a joke, but…I was really not up for the joke! And then as we got out of the car and walked towards the porch, we saw the front door open, and the Border collie ran out to greet us! You can only imagine the discussion that followed! Grant checked the house for intruders, while I babbled apologies and assured him it had not even occurred to me to think about locking the door! He calmed down but told me my door locking days started NOW! He decided not to punish for this one last transgression, because he felt equally responsible, since we left the house together, and that it was his job to check. Honestly, I think I lucked out on that one! I do appreciate how seriously he holds himself accountable too.
I have been delivered a set of door locking rules for all occasions. When we are at home, when we are not at home, when we are at home and kids are awake, and when I leave for work and the kids are sleeping. I guess bottom line is he wants the doors locked! Truly it is not in my realm of consciousness to think about locking doors, but I am going to try hard. In the meantime he reminded me that he did tell me a full month ago that I was to always lock the doors when we leave the house. I have no idea why this has been so difficult for me. It is not that I decide not to do it, but that I did not even integrate a glimmer of consciousness about it at all! Was that because I chose not to? I am just not sure.
Now on to the spanking that was NOT a punishment. You could have fooled me! He took me into the bedroom to talk, but made a snide comment on the way in. And then, of course, he had just really yelled at me about the front door. I was no longer interested in talking. I was feeling too vulnerable, frankly. I always want to talk, to unburden, but if I feel I have to wrestle to be heard, then forget it. In truth Grant is always willing to listen, but at times I think I am more sensitive than he realizes, and my feelings can get hurt. I reluctantly followed him into the bedroom, since he insisted. He closed the door and sat in the wing chair, out his feet up and said, as I paced in front of the bed:
“So talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk anymore.”
“Why not?”
“I just am not interested in talking.”
“Cut it out and start talking”
“No, I don’t want to!”
“OK, you can to me like this, or I will put you over my knee, and then you can talk!”
I narrowed my eyes at him and crossed my arms. He met my gaze. (OK, darn it, I think he just might mean that?)
“Fine!”
“OK, then”
Silence….
“Sit down”
“I don’t want to sit down while I talk!”
“Sara, cut the nonsense and get on thay bed!”
You know what, a girl can only take so much bossing! I climbed up on the bed and stood full height, towering over him, my hands on my hips.
“OK, I am on the bed!”
Grant chuckled. I guess I might have looked a bit silly, in retrospect.
“Sara, sit down now, before you fall down and break your leg!”
I sighed and plopped down on my pillows and sat crossed legged facing him.
“OK honey, talk to me” he said softly.
And then I did. I really felt so much better after pouring my heart out, and he was a very good listener. At the end I said, “And Grant, if we do not do maintenance tonight, I am just going to implode!” He said, “Oh, we are doing that right now!” “Right now? But…you have the football game on. I can wait until tonight!” What that really meant is…wait a minute, let me back peddle quickly, because maybe I do not want what I just asked for…at least not right now! In his no nonsense tone Grant said “Sara, you have 15 minutes. There is absolutely no way this is waiting!”
There is maintenance and then there is maintenance. This was such a long hard spanking that I just had to ask afterwards if he was punishing for the door after all. He assured me “Absolutely not. That was just what I know you needed.” He was right, it was. After an hour and a half nap, I awoke very sore and very calm.
Today when I got home from work, I did lock the door behind me!
Global Warming
My husband Grant and I have had words in the past over global warming. In fact, I am betting I am the only woman in the world who was actually spanked due to global warming!
OK, so just maybe it was the disrespect that the issue seemed to call forth from deep within me when he told me there is so such thing. I might have been slightly less than 100% appropriate in my heated response to his opinions.
At any rate, I no longer discuss global warming with him less it lead to global warming…butt I sure could relate to this on The Cherry Red Report! 
A Spanking By Any Other Name
What’s in a name? I like to call a spanking a spanking. I find there is so much emotional content around spanking that the words, the name, carries feelings attached. Grant does not seem to have the same kind of attachment to the words on this subject. Maybe because he is not the spanko here? I am not sure.
One evening a few weeks ago I was chatting with my friend Lilly and Grant came up behind me kissed me on the head and said “It is time for your beating, Honey. Meet you the bedroom in 30 minutes.” I think Lilly about fell off her chair when I repeated that to her! I never much liked the word “beat” it sounds aggressive to me. But then Grant uses it in jest for maintenance at times, and I have gotten used to it. We also adopted a phrase that came from another friend, and at times call it “the ritual beating”. Kinda weird but very accurate!
I think once in frustration Grant said “One more word and I am going to beat your butt!” He has also used “whipping”. I always find I sort of get pulled up sharp inside by any of these words. My husband is going to “beat” me? Now spanking is ok, that is Domestic discipline, but he doesn’t “beat” me. Well yeah, actually, he does, and I asked him to. I have these divisions in my mind of what a spanking and a beating is, but to him they are the same. Either way it is delivered with love, and I have tried to adjust my mind to his word usage. After all, this is not all about me, is it? Our Dd is his too, and I have learned to stretch to accept his input, which includes how he talks about things, my spankings.
We usually go out to dinner alone on Friday night, and it happened that maintenance was on the agenda too. So last night, when I was again chatting and Grant came up and asked ”Hey sweetie, do you prefer to eat or beat first?” I was able to be nonchalant and answer “Well unless you are hungry, why don’t we eat later?” And that was that!
Spanking Out The Old and Spanking In The New
Christmas eve was my last punishment spanking of 2007, and Thurs night was my first of 2008. I am on a roll already!
2008 closed with a Christmas Eve spanking, a big one! Christmas Stress 1 & 2 explained that the days before Christmas were pretty rough. Tension, hormones and worry that things would not go right left me tense and irritable. By 9 Pm Christmas Eve, Grant had simply had enough. We were in the bedroom finishing the wrapping, when I made some last snippy comment. I truthfully cannot even remember what it was. It does not stand out in my mind from the ten previous snippy and/or sarcastic things I said that day… just little things, but he didn’t like them at all. There had been multiple warnings which were ignored. There was simply no reigning myself in. I did try.
Finally he said “That’s it! Finish up the wrapping and then you are getting a spanking!” I was truly in a mood, because I do clearly remember my response: “Whatever!” delivered with the standard hand flip, just to drive the point home that I was unimpressed! He was unimpressed too! I am not allowed to say “Whatever” to Grant. It is a shame, in some ways, because it is a most useful and satisfying phrase. It is unfortunately banned in our house. Old habits die hard though, and my pre-Dd way of handling stress returned. We put all the gifts under the tree, turned off lights, and he told me to go get ready for bed, and he would be in. I did so, but there was no regretful mind set to be had at all. I really did not perceive there was a specific reason for a punishment. There was no one big thing. Not that there has to be. We have agreed that we don’t have to agree, and that spanking and especially punishment is his call…so…whatever!
When it was time I went over his lap, my body compliant, but my mind defiant. As he began spanking, after the briefest of warm ups, with the hairbrush paddle, I found myself just getting madder and madder. He said he was spanking because I had “simply been a witch all day”. I wasn’t very happy with him either! I guess, because I was so emotionally revved up, within a couple of minutes I was not only furious, but also now starting to cry. There is nothing worse than crying when you are mad! He stopped spanking, holding me there, and asked ”Are you done?” This question meant, “Are you calmer, have I spanked some sense into your head, are we finished here?” Not a question he would ask for a straight out earned punishment, but this was to see if the attitude was changed. I knew I was not done, and there are many times in the past I have answered truthfully, but not this time. I was furious, biting back the F.U. that sat on the tip of my tongue. The darn spanking hurt and I wanted to be done, and sanity had not yet been restored, so I said “yes” and he let me up. I immediately got into bed and turned my back to him, not saying a word. He quietly left the room.
As I lay in bed, with tears in my eyes, I started thinking about how very angry I was and why. All the little things he had done to irritate me that day, and the bigger things I was upset about. Christmas things, family things…just things. How unfair I felt he had been. Ten minutes later I had worked myself up enough to decide I needed to go into the kitchen to tell him a thing or two about what was what! Big huge mistake! Not a minute later we were back in the bedroom, me again bare over his knee, but now he spanked until I was sobbing. This time he put me in bed and laid with me. I have really no clue what all that was about, except stress and hormones gone wild. Isn’t menopause just a blast?
The spanking that ushered in the New Year was very different. On Jan 3rd we took our 19 year old daughter to the airport to begin her travel to Ireland. She was leaving on a three week college trip to study sheep farming and bog walking! Don’t even ask, it counts for an Ecology credit, so good for her! I have issues. I really get upset with my husband or kids leaving. I get rattled. I know it is just separation anxiety, and I was so happy for her, but still it is hard to let her go. I tried hard to tamp it down, to not affect her leaving smoothly. I was a little bit snappy with Grant in the car on the way there. He however was a pain! When Grant sees me being up tight, sometimes he thinks that poking at me is going to somehow help the situation. He teases, he prods, he even literally poked me with his fingers. He is lucky he still is in possession of all five! Wouldn’t you think that after 26 years, the man would learn that poking is NOT an effective strategy? Nope!
Anyway, I thought I was pretty good, honestly. I made a few snippy comments, but that was the extent of it. Still he informed me on the ride home that I was getting spanked.
It went like this:
He said “I am really proud of you! You handled that pretty well all in all. But you are still getting spanked when we get home. Oh there’s a Starbucks! Would you like me to stop and get you a latte?”
I answered. “Um no, I can’t drink caffeine this late, and you have got to be kidding! You are punishing me?”
Grant: “Yep. Just a few whacks at this point, but let’s see what the next hour brings. We know from experience it is better to NOT let things go! You made a few out of line comments. Keep going and this could definitely turn into a full blown punishment depending on where you need to go with this.”
What am I supposed to say to that? I shut up! We stopped for dinner, and had a nice evening together all in all. Nothing more was said and I wondered if he would just drop it. But, when I ever so casually mentioned I was going to get ready for bed, he said meaningfully that he would be right in. As I prepared for bed I thought things over and felt I really had not done much of anything, but been a little tense. Yes there were a couple of snippy comments, and he had been tense and a little over the top too…but really nothing worth my concern. So…I decided I would just go with it. I was at peace with myself, the situation and the resolution he decided upon. This is how we resolve things when he feels it is necessary, and I am fine with that.
When he called me to him, he sat in the chair in our bedroom he always uses for punishments. To my surprise, he had the leather paddle in his hand. He never uses that anymore except for a maintenance warm up in the very beginning. OK, so I breathed a sigh of relief. He clearly thought this was no big deal either, and the spanking was not going to be impactful. I was wrong!
He helped me over his lap, and started with, “You know why I am doing this right?” The OTK discussion is always embarrassing to me, even still. How the heck can I have a sane discussion in THAT position? He insists on it. So I answered truthfully that it was because he thought I had been snippy with him. I knew there was nothing to feel guilty about here, but did not share that. He surprised me as he often does, and put a spin on things that made me see it differently. He said “Especially in front of our daughter, it is important that you are respectful to me. She is watching you to learn how she will treat her husband. I want your behavior to model how it should be, how to have a healthy marriage. That was not it was it?” Man oh man..how do they do these things? The infractions were small…but he was right.
He started spanking over my nightgown and then after a minute pulled it up to bare me. It hurt some, as he was going pretty hard, but it was the leather paddle after all, and not wood or the punishment paddle he usually uses. He talked a bit more about respect and setting a good example to teach our children, and then he was done. It was certainly not painful enough that my mind could not focus on the reasons and I came to see his view and to wish I had handled things better, but there was no huge amount of guilt.
When he let me up, to my surprise, I realized the whole things was a huge turn on, and I basically attacked the man. Later he told me he would not be ‘punishing’ like that again as I clearly did not experience it like a punishment. I begged to differ. I got it! I really did, and that was the point, no? It certainly was not a serious spanking at all, but he wanted to make a point, and chose to frame it as a punishment because he has decided he does not catch things soon enough and feels it would be better for both of us if he does not let smaller things slide as often as he has. That might call for more minor punishments more often….maybe more of a ‘reminder’ type…but he used the disciplinary ritual he uses for punishment so that was there too this time.
The whole thing resulted in a clear cross over between disciplinary and erotic. Punishments always have an erotic aspect, because spanking is erotic to me, but there is absolutely no pleasure during the main event. The idea is a turn on, but only before and after. Punishments are generally awful.
What happened here was the punishment structure and ritual with a reminder kind of spanking. I actually thought it was quite effective. I also told Grant he should punish like that more often, as the point was made and it was damn sexy too! I am not so sure he agrees, but I did make sure to make the experiment well worth his while in hopes that this will help him to remember!
