Comments on: Thank You http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/ My Domestic Discipline Journey Thu, 12 Nov 2009 06:02:33 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: sandrar http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-2615 sandrar Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:48:50 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-2615 Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post... nice! I love your blog. :) Cheers! Sandra. R. Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. :) Cheers! Sandra. R.

]]> By: Sara http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-1175 Sara Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:54:41 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-1175 Lilly, you are right of course, that I tend to crash after the fact. Hugs always welcomed! ggg, you are right, trusting him to take care of me is important, even when I don't feel like it. Constance, yes, that spanking happened, and continues to, The consistency thru the troubled times is surely needed , even if not always wanted. Grant, I am simply so grateful I have you to lean on! Thanks I Gal Jess, I appreciate your thoughts! Marie, I am just taking things day by day, knowing it will get better. Swan, wise advice as usual. Thank you. Lilly, you are right of course, that I tend to crash after the fact. Hugs always welcomed!

ggg, you are right, trusting him to take care of me is important, even when I don’t feel like it.

Constance, yes, that spanking happened, and continues to, The consistency thru the troubled times is surely needed , even if not always wanted.

Grant, I am simply so grateful I have you to lean on!

Thanks I Gal

Jess, I appreciate your thoughts!

Marie, I am just taking things day by day, knowing it will get better.

Swan, wise advice as usual. Thank you.

]]> By: swan http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-1163 swan Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:24:07 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-1163 Sara -- Right now, I'd be very surprised if you actually "want" anything at all that anyone on this earth can give you. I'd be very surprised if there was anything much at all that would make you feel "happy" and "contented" and "secure." Right now, you are hurting and you are sad. That is simply a part of being alive that you will have to make it through. There isn't any way for anyone to make it easier for you, sadly. But, your life is good, and you are secure -- even if it doesn't feel that way to you just at this moment. Grant is a solid, steady, secure presence and reality for you, and you can count on him. So, you can fuss and pout and whine and cry all you want to, and all you need to. Your healing will come about in time, and in the meanwhile, he will hold you up, and hold onto you ,and hold you in place exactly as he sees you need those things from him. The hardest thing about grieving is the dissonance between what we know and what we feel. You know what you need even when you don't want any part of it. Choose to let him care for you out of his love and his wisdom. He can bring you through this to the place where it all feels good again. hugs, swan Sara —
Right now, I’d be very surprised if you actually “want” anything at all that anyone on this earth can give you. I’d be very surprised if there was anything much at all that would make you feel “happy” and “contented” and “secure.”
Right now, you are hurting and you are sad. That is simply a part of being alive that you will have to make it through. There isn’t any way for anyone to make it easier for you, sadly.
But, your life is good, and you are secure — even if it doesn’t feel that way to you just at this moment. Grant is a solid, steady, secure presence and reality for you, and you can count on him. So, you can fuss and pout and whine and cry all you want to, and all you need to. Your healing will come about in time, and in the meanwhile, he will hold you up, and hold onto you ,and hold you in place exactly as he sees you need those things from him.
The hardest thing about grieving is the dissonance between what we know and what we feel. You know what you need even when you don’t want any part of it. Choose to let him care for you out of his love and his wisdom. He can bring you through this to the place where it all feels good again.

hugs, swan

]]> By: Marie http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-1162 Marie Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:39:42 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-1162 Dear Sara- I am so sorry that you are going through this rough patch. Your writing and sharing have meant so much to me over the last ten months that if there is anything that I could do for you, I would do it. I guess what you need changes minute to minute as you process this loss. Grant is a safe place to mourn and a safe place to rage. There is a foundation of love that will not crumble. Love, Marie Dear Sara-
I am so sorry that you are going through this rough patch. Your writing and sharing have meant so much to me over the last ten months that if there is anything that I could do for you, I would do it.

I guess what you need changes minute to minute as you process this loss. Grant is a safe place to mourn and a safe place to rage. There is a foundation of love that will not crumble.

Love,
Marie

]]> By: Jess http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-1161 Jess Mon, 14 Jul 2008 07:43:26 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-1161 HI Sara, Grief is overwhelming and impossible to put in an emotional bucket or categorize. Everything just sucks for awhile. I think you are going to have to "walk through it." Nothing helps, nothing really makes it worse either. It's just a painful journey. It seems like everyhing people say is irritating at times like these. My mom used to get so mad when people would tell her that her late husband was "better off." I don't think there are soothing words for this. You need to vent to talk, to cry, to shut down. Do what you need to do to get through. Take care -Jess HI Sara,
Grief is overwhelming and impossible to put in an emotional bucket or categorize. Everything just sucks for awhile. I think you are going to have to “walk through it.” Nothing helps, nothing really makes it worse either. It’s just a painful journey.

It seems like everyhing people say is irritating at times like these. My mom used to get so mad when people would tell her that her late husband was “better off.” I don’t think there are soothing words for this. You need to vent to talk, to cry, to shut down. Do what you need to do to get through.

Take care
-Jess

]]> By: spankeditaliangal http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-1160 spankeditaliangal Mon, 14 Jul 2008 01:31:26 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-1160 Sara I know how much the kind support of the dd cyberworld friends helped me when I lost my Grandmother recently. Very well written post. I too am married to a dominant, relentless, consistent, yet loving man. I am working hard on submission as well. What I am learning is that my submission is not a part time thing to do when I feel like it. Lots of trust involved. Thank you Grant for commenting. I also really gained some insight into the hoh's mindset by reading Grants' comment. Sara you and Grant are an awesome duo. It is always educational and a pleasure to read your post. Ciao, I Gal Sara
I know how much the kind support of the dd cyberworld friends helped me when I lost my Grandmother recently. Very well written post. I too am married to a dominant, relentless, consistent, yet loving man. I am working hard on submission as well. What I am learning is that my submission is not a part time thing to do when I feel like it. Lots of trust involved.
Thank you Grant for commenting. I also really gained some insight into the hoh’s mindset by reading Grants’ comment. Sara you and Grant are an awesome duo. It is always educational and a pleasure to read your post.
Ciao,
I Gal

]]> By: Lilly http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-1159 Lilly Sun, 13 Jul 2008 20:26:46 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-1159 Grant, There is no doubt Sara is in loving capable hands. Lilly Grant,

There is no doubt Sara is in loving capable hands. Lilly

]]> By: Grant http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-1158 Grant Sun, 13 Jul 2008 17:39:53 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-1158 Dear Sara and all, (especially the men) It is really very important to maintain the structures of your agreements with your spouses when things get rough. As you know, Sara has lost the most influential man in her life, one who has guided her and loved her for over fifty years. I am very aware that some rough spots will be expected and it is our jobs to make sure the ground under our loved one’s feet stand firm in these circumstances. On the other hand there is a delicate balance with understanding clearly what is happening to our special angels. I hope to not be long winded, but here is my perspective: The balance between providing security through tough love, and providing understanding through careful listening and observing, is paramount to maintaining a healthy and helpful relationship in DD. I have to monitor not only my own decisions and behavior, but also be aware of what is actually going on in her mind. Careful consideration must be given when she is venting, arguing irrationally, or just being pushy. In normal circumstances, gentlemen, I need not tell you the required solution! However, in circumstances where there is loss, emotional upheaval due to things not in her or our control, we have to be sensitive and aware. Balance is always an important facet of structuring our relationships, but it is most needed in these difficult times. Also, be aware of your own feelings. I am also very disturbed by the death of my father-in-law. Although we had our very big differences, I come from a line of Italians and that means deep respect for the hierarchy of family. Also, we did come to have much respect for each other in the past few years, so I too feel loss. This is key to understanding Sara and our loved ones under these circumstances – that we factor in our feelings as well. Just to summarize: Balance discipline with love, as always, but remember, when the ship is bouncing around in a storm, keep your woman safe and dry as much as you can. The Best, Grant Dear Sara and all, (especially the men)

It is really very important to maintain the structures of your agreements with your spouses when things get rough. As you know, Sara has lost the most influential man in her life, one who has guided her and loved her for over fifty years. I am very aware that some rough spots will be expected and it is our jobs to make sure the ground under our loved one’s feet stand firm in these circumstances. On the other hand there is a delicate balance with understanding clearly what is happening to our special angels. I hope to not be long winded, but here is my perspective:

The balance between providing security through tough love, and providing understanding through careful listening and observing, is paramount to maintaining a healthy and helpful relationship in DD.

I have to monitor not only my own decisions and behavior, but also be aware of what is actually going on in her mind. Careful consideration must be given when she is venting, arguing irrationally, or just being pushy. In normal circumstances, gentlemen, I need not tell you the required solution! However, in circumstances where there is loss, emotional upheaval due to things not in her or our control, we have to be sensitive and aware.

Balance is always an important facet of structuring our relationships, but it is most needed in these difficult times. Also, be aware of your own feelings. I am also very disturbed by the death of my father-in-law. Although we had our very big differences, I come from a line of Italians and that means deep respect for the hierarchy of family. Also, we did come to have much respect for each other in the past few years, so I too feel loss. This is key to understanding Sara and our loved ones under these circumstances – that we factor in our feelings as well.

Just to summarize: Balance discipline with love, as always, but remember, when the ship is bouncing around in a storm, keep your woman safe and dry as much as you can.

The Best,

Grant

]]> By: Southern Angel http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-1157 Southern Angel Sun, 13 Jul 2008 16:50:32 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-1157 Hi Sara, There are times when I wish JD was more dominant but deep down I know that I would have trouble dealing with him if he was dominant all the time. I think Grant is a great guy but if I were in your place, we would butt heads daily! I don't have any advice on how to deal with your grief since everyone must deal with it in their own way. Have you told Grant how you feel right now, how you feel vulnerable? He may be so wrapped up in his work that he doesn't realize how much you need him now. If you haven't told him, I think you should. I know we women like to pretend nothing is wrong (and to answer with a "nothing, I'm fine" when asked what is wrong) but you owe it to your relationship to tell him what you need from him or at least tell him that you need him. I hope you start to find your way soon and know that we in blogland are thinking about your family and praying for you. Hi Sara,

There are times when I wish JD was more dominant but deep down I know that I would have trouble dealing with him if he was dominant all the time. I think Grant is a great guy but if I were in your place, we would butt heads daily!

I don’t have any advice on how to deal with your grief since everyone must deal with it in their own way. Have you told Grant how you feel right now, how you feel vulnerable? He may be so wrapped up in his work that he doesn’t realize how much you need him now. If you haven’t told him, I think you should. I know we women like to pretend nothing is wrong (and to answer with a “nothing, I’m fine” when asked what is wrong) but you owe it to your relationship to tell him what you need from him or at least tell him that you need him.

I hope you start to find your way soon and know that we in blogland are thinking about your family and praying for you.

]]> By: Constance http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/thank-you-2/#comment-1156 Constance Sun, 13 Jul 2008 07:46:42 +0000 http://findingsara.wordpress.com/?p=161#comment-1156 Damned if they do, and damned if they don't, aren't they, Sara? I know just what you mean about sometimes feeling like I really need to be cut some slack, and being told what to do seems unfair, unneceessary and irritating! On the other hand, those are often precisely the moments when I most need to feel his arms around me, and his dominance, and that aura of protection that he provides...in part by deciding things for me. Maybe now would be a good time for a spanking of the type that includes a lot of warm up and a lot of talking and reflection and cuddling. (I say this because I know that's what I myself really need!) Fondly, Constance Damned if they do, and damned if they don’t, aren’t they, Sara? I know just what you mean about sometimes feeling like I really need to be cut some slack, and being told what to do seems unfair, unneceessary and irritating! On the other hand, those are often precisely the moments when I most need to feel his arms around me, and his dominance, and that aura of protection that he provides…in part by deciding things for me.

Maybe now would be a good time for a spanking of the type that includes a lot of warm up and a lot of talking and reflection and cuddling. (I say this because I know that’s what I myself really need!)

Fondly,
Constance

]]>