We’re Doing Better
He’s back. I’m back. I have to figure out a way to not ride our son’s roller coaster with such intensity. It is not good for any of us. Maybe it is part of me accepting the diagnosis he has yet to accept. I need to come to terms with what is, and realize that what will be will be, without me. Not having any control in a situation such as this makes me crazy. I’ll have to go read that Serenity Prayer again. I am not particularly religious, but there is wisdom there.
He has allowed me to give him his medications, even taken them (when asked to) himself a few times, and our son is re-emerging. He is not happy, not quite functioning well, but I can see him again. I hope he can learn from this. If he would be able to see the price he paid for the self neglect, and perhaps realize that it is in his power to do better. He cannot change his illness but how he handles it. There are choices. We’ll see.
Grant and I went out on our Friday night date this week, after 2 weeks of only to work and home, super market and home…in other words we left the boys to fend for themselves. We got a little dressed, “casual sheik” you know, and went to a nicer place of Grant’s choosing. Sometimes he likes to make the reservations with no discussion. He told me to be ready at 7:15 PM, the dress code, and no further information. I have actually come to appreciate that, just letting him take over. Good food, wine and music. He wanted to celebrate a bit, since it had been a while. It was really nice!
Unfortunately on the way home I did get a little cranky with him. I am so tired of politics and he is like a dog with a bone sometimes. I could have been nicer. At home we had some nice play time together that included a ‘warning’ spanking. It was nice to be back!
Last night was a little more interesting. It was around 9 at night. He was tired and getting something to eat, I was at the sink cleaning up, and he said something that really irked me…nothing huge, but…I took a small handful of water and… sprayed him. Maybe I should mention there is a history here. Cassie sprayed Tom. She got the idea from Lilly who got it from Katie. Numerous friend’s have rubber banded down their sink sprayers and surprised their husbands, and I have been dared to play numerous times. However, Grant just does not play like that. Our senses of humor just don’t match sometimes. My husband has a zero tolerance policy towards bratting, and does not appreciate that kind of silliness. I know that, but…well I guess I was irritated and wanted to poke at him. He was MAD! What’s a little water I ask you? “Sara! I cannot believe you just did that! I am not having it! I want you in the bedroom right now!” “Grant, oh come on…it was just a little water!” “In the bedroom! NOW!” Crap.
Ok, so into the bedroom I went with a mad and sputtering, but really tired, Dom on my heels. He grabbed his belt which was conveniently on the bedroom floor, doubled it and sat on the ottoman pulling me OTK. His problem is he is a nice guy, even when he is mad. I had just mentioned that I have my period and it is very very heavy. He left my pants up. Perhaps he did not realize that under my flannel pajama bottoms I also had on sturdy cotton underwear? He was spanking away and I apparently forgot to fuss! “You aren’t even feeling this, are you?” he demanded, still aggravated, “Because I’ll just have to go get a different implement!” “I’m feeling it…ouch!” The whole thing would have been pretty funny if he had not been seriously irritated. That did make me feel bad…no spanking required. I don’t like making him unhappy.
When he let me up I went back in the kitchen and he went and changed into warm dry pajamas and socks. He came back to retrieve his bagel from the counter, still muttering. Next he went to the fridge and I heard “Dammit!…I just put these socks on!”.
Oops, forgot to wipe up the water off the floor. I know, it is really not funny! Never, ever again…not ever. Just this once for the memories that do make me smile!
Scarlett said,
November 16, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Well, Sara, the water story sure made me laugh! Sorry Grant! Maybe he’ll laugh later?
So glad to read that your son is re-emerging.
Scarlett
GoodGirl said,
November 16, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Sara,
Your story made me smile too.
Marie said,
November 16, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Well, Sara, if you can figure out how to NOT ride that emotional roller coaster with your sweet son, it will be more than most moms are able to do. It is a worthy goal to try and accept the things that we cannot change, but accepting doesn’t always rob the thing of it’s power to hurt us. Maybe while we are white knuckling it, we can just try to remember the good times…..like that time we threw water on our husband…oh wait, that didn’t turn out quite as well as you’d hoped. LOL. I liked it though from my nice dry place here in front of my computer. You and Grant are delightful people and I really admire your dedication to each other and to your children. I hope this is a lovely week and that you all come back to your best selves….politics aside.
Cassie said,
November 17, 2008 at 12:42 am
Sara dear, I know you love Grant just the way he is but I wish you were able to let your inner brat out more often. It can be just as stress reliving as a spanking – although they often go together!!
I pray that your son will find the peace and health and happiness that you want for him.
Love,
Cassie
Spanked Italian Gal said,
November 17, 2008 at 10:48 am
Sara
I am shocked you bratting- no way. Next time do it when he is not in a cranky mood, Timing is everything you know. Your story did make me laugh though. I hate wet socks so I kind of empathize with Grant on that one. On the other hand he should have watched where he was walking.
I am glad you son is improving and I hope each day is better for him.
Ciao,
I Gal
sparkle said,
November 17, 2008 at 10:51 am
Sometimes, and I do not mean at all often for anyone’s sake, a little brattiness is required to make sure the world is still functioning on the same axis it did a week earlier. I mean, isn’t it comforting to know that he is still willing and able to drag you off to the bedroom and fetch the belt, despite the nice-guy-syndrome and struggling parenthood?
Hugs,
sparkle
swan said,
November 17, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I am glad to hear the news about your son.
Live with this bit of now and enjoy it for exactly what it is.
All the very best,
swan
Devin said,
November 17, 2008 at 6:57 pm
That little bit of “normal” is so important, Sara! I’m glad that your son seems to be doing a little bit better, and I truly hope that he will continue to improve.
Grant said,
November 18, 2008 at 10:22 am
Dear All,
Thank you for your comments…Cassie, I totally disagree about letting your inner Brat out…it only causes problems….and disrupts the relationship and there is no stress relief involved!
If I follow your logic…then it would be alright for me to treat my wife with disrespect every once in a while…just for fun and stress relief? NO WAY.
Respectfully,
Grant
Serena said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Of course the line between fun and disrespect is a fine one–very subjective I think–and may well get into the issue of differing senses of humor.
My husband Storm has always said he loves the bratty side of me, but to us, brattiness is playful “torment” and not serious negativity.
Serena said,
November 19, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I also think that much female “brattiness” is really a type of flirting. It says, “Pay attention to me.”
It’s rarely wasted on men that aren’t important to us.
Sara said,
November 20, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Scarlett, he is feeling better!
GoodGirl
“accepting doesn’t always rob the thing of it’s power to hurt us”…Marie, darn was that wise!
Cassie, comments on “my inner brat” will follow in the next post.
I Gal, I know, I know…not sure what possessed me!
Sparkle, that is exactly the truth. Yes, I must have needed the reassurance.
Thank you Swan.
“Normal” works Devin, wherever we can find it!
Sorry Honey!
Serena, I think your husband’s perception makes all the difference.