Finding Sara

I had a really amazing and moving experience today. I’d like to share it because it was so powerful…and yet part of me hesitates. Maybe I will turn off the comment moderation for this post…not sure yet. I just don’t want you to think I am sharing to hear “Oh, good job Sara!” I am not. I am posting, I think…first so I’ll remember , and so maybe, someone else will be inspired, as I have been in my life, “to pass it on”.

One of the things I will always remember about my Dad was his ideas on giving. He believed and practiced the Jewish concept of Mitzvah. To do “a Mitzvah” is a blessing in one’s own life. The idea is that the gift of giving enriches the giver. When he gave, often anonymously, he marveled, telling me “Think how lucky I am to be able to do that!” I understand it today in a way I had not before. I have had it in my head, but really, today my heart was moved, and I feel…gifted.

I went food shopping. I won’t go on Saturday because everyone else does, but usually Sundays are slower. Not today! The market was mobbed and I had a lot to get, and by the time I made it to the checkout there were long lines. I wheeled up behind a woman with a very full cart and three kids, but reasoned most of her stuff was out of the cart, the checker was young (they move faster :)  ), and there was even a bagger in this line (you must consider these things!) And I waited, and waited. Finally the woman in front had her items all checked and bagged and I assumed they were close to done. My attention drifted to other things..

Then I realized there was something wrong. I heard her say to take back the pickles. Ok, I guess she didn’t want them. Then I saw the two frozen pizzas go back, and the little boy asked “Why can’t we have them Mom?” She softly and discreetly tried to answer that it was more than they had to spend this week. There were no more questions. This went on for a while, and somehow involved some problem with scanning the items off, a manager was called…and the woman tried to look not embarrassed…held it together for her kids.

I have been there. I remember being in that line with my kids, praying silently that my addition had been good enough to not go over the money I had in my wallet, hoping I would not be embarrassed. I remember so many times holding my breath until the credit card  was approved…and so very well the feeling of shame on the numerous times it didn’t. I remember trying to act confident in front of my children. I remember saying no to things in the food market that I felt they should be able to have.

I thought for a quick moment, and stepped forward. I said to the young man at the register. Just put the things back in…run it. I will cover the extra. He looked confused, and the woman looked confused. I waved at him…  “Go ahead, just run it! I’ll pay. It’s fine!” He stuttered and said “Um, well that’s up to her?” I turned to her and said “I’ve been there, when my kids were young. You pay what your limit is, and I’ll cover the rest.” I had to repeat it. She just looked at me with wide eyes, and then nodded to the young man. She told him to run $400, and he did. The card did not go through. She then asked him to run $390, and again the card was declined. She wanted to sink into the floor.  I saw it underneath, and I heard the hint of a shake in her voice when she almost whispered, “Could you try $380?” And then it hit me…hard. I have $400 to spare. We have expenses…so many. College bills, family needs, life, but we are so blessed…so very lucky in our lives, and so many are struggling right now. I thought, ‘This woman with her three children, this is her weekly food money’.  I decided.

Intruding again, I said to the young man, “Never mind, just run the whole bill. I am going to pay for it.” Now totally confused, he asked “The whole thing?” “Yes, I answered, the whole thing…just run it! Now! Go ahead, just run it!” I wanted to minimize this woman’s embarrassment, move us past the moment. She just stared at me, and her little girl said “What’s the lady doing Mommy?” As her eyes met mine she said softly “She’s paying for our food.” The girl asked “Why?” I reached out my hand, touched the woman’s shoulder and looked at the little girl. I answered “Because I had a hard time too, when my kids were young. And maybe one day, your Mom will be able help someone else like I am helping her!” The young man ran the card, and before she left, the woman turned and hugged me briefly, whispering, “Thank you so much!” Her eyes and my eyes welled with tears, and she left.

My order was almost bagged and I stepped out into the aisle. A woman behind me from one line looked over and said, “Is your order over $75?” “Um, what?” I asked…still a bit shaken. “Your order…if it’s over $75 I have a 10% off coupon!” “Oh yes, thank you!” And I took it. From the other direction a manager who had come with her key to back out the first lady’s order put her hand on my shoulder, saying “See! You help other people and good things happen!” I have no idea if the coupon lady gave that to me because she saw what was going on, or if it was a coincidence. I turned back to the register, handed the young man the 10% off coupon and he rang my order and said “You are the nicest customer I have ever seen!” I said “It’s a good thing to help where you can!” He might have been all of 18, and I hope he sees many nice things in his lifetime! He smiled, the bagger smiled and I smiled. And I even managed to wait until I got into the car before I burst into tears.

Why did I cry? Because I am so damned lucky in my life! Because I can pay for a stranger’s groceries, because I had the kind of father who taught me that it is a gift to be able to help others. Because I know I do have something to give, whether it’s something tangible, or simply a word of encouragement to a friend, or just a smile to a stranger. Because I understand that in some small way I can help make this world a better place. Because my life is blessed in a multitude of ways and I know it and am so very grateful for all of it!