Switching Roles
Did that grab anyone’s attention? Any of you who have read here for any amount of time know that just ain’t happening around here…not now and not ever. No, Grant has zero interest in switching, and for that matter, neither do I, at least not at home. I do switch roles almost every day though, from follower to leader when I leave my house, and back again when I return. That transition used to be a challenge, but as I have come into my own within the shelter of our relationship, it feels very natural and almost seamless most of the time. Mostly the switch is pretty smooth, but sometimes I can still feel the gears shifting. Mostly it is enriching and I truly enjoy being all of me, comfortable in my varied roles.
This is a really busy time of year for us. Spring takes Grant out of town a lot, the kids are finishing up school and such, and then the grand exodus to “the Ranch”. That event takes place tomorrow with us moving our three young adult children (16-22) and their stuff, 2 dogs, a cat and 2 horses, and their stuff, 300 miles, up to the mountains for the summer. We’ve done it for years, and I should be used to it, but in truth I have a bit of travel anxiety, and the kids are all about last minute, and no one seems organized in the least, and “Chill Mom!” is all I get when I nag!
Then there is the fact that I am hormonally challenged this week, and Grant has been away a lot, and I feel neglected. I am not in factneglected, and the thought is not reasonable, but I feel it just the same. I’m edgy and pouty and vaguely dissatisfied, and although I know it is not fair, at least some of me almost doesn’t care! The other part strains to act like a grown up with only moderate success. And then, I am teary on top of it. This weekend is father’s day. My father is gone, and the one year anniversary of that death is 2 weeks away. I miss him and am so sad, still, at the loss. My father is gone….
So, although he was only home 2 nights, L Grant was determined to get in a maintenance spanking. He told me to be available at 8 last night and I gave him a hard time. “I really don’t want to.” “I just don’t feel like it.” “I’m put out with you.” Blah, blah, He knew. His response was a hug and a calm but steady, “I know, but we’re doing this anyway. Go get ready.” And I am really grateful for his focus and determination. The man is steady!
So…I did get ready…not happy but ready….and just then the kids set themselves up in a long board game on the dining room table, virtually right outside our bedroom door. I was so tired already, and by 9:30 it was clear there would be no spanking. Grant questioned me on my morning schedule. He was planning on driving himself back to the Ranch early this morning, while I and the kids follow tomorrow. I know my husband and exactly what he was asking, even though we spoke in code right in front of the kids. “I have an 8:30 – 10:00 meeting at the County Offices.” “Can you be back right after that?” “Then I have to go into work, but can go later. I could come back here…” “I will wait until you get back.” Translated this means: “Go to your meeting and come back for your spanking…then we will both go on with our days.” In some ways it felt a tad contrived, over planned, unromantic…but married life gets that way sometimes, especially when you put jobs and kids in the mix, and so we do the best we can. He knew what I needed and that an unattended to wife is not a happy camper in the long term, regardless of what she says she “wants” in the moment!
Thus it was that I donned a nice suit and heels and went and did my CEO gig with some important people, and then several hours later went home at my husband’s insistence. Once there I had 10 minutes to present myself and within another 5 found myself naked over his lap being soundly paddled. I didn’t make it easy on either of us. I wasn’t awful (he wouldn’t let me get away with that) but I was not my most cooperative self. I sort of feel badly when I get like that, but then the truth is sometimes I just need to be a bit resistant and be put back in my place. I need to feel that, and Grant seems comfortable enough with the dance, when that number happens to be played. Played it was and I can still feel the beat when I sit!
After a pretty intense spanking and an hour’s nap, we both went our separate ways. He packed his car and drove north, and I grabbed my suit from the heap on the floor and went back to my office. I sat a bit tenderly issuing those executive orders this afternoon, but when I switch back to work mode, that’s my job.
Constance said,
June 19, 2009 at 1:31 am
Yes, it DID get my attention, and I had a brief moment of panic. “Oh no!,” I thought. “Say it isn’t so!” Funny, isn’t it, that I should care so much, but I do.
I think it can be said that I do a bit of professionally required switching of my own. In my case, my private experience is making me a better leader at work (just as it has made me a better parent at home).
I hadn’t realized this weekend was Father’s Day. (It isn’t in my part of the world.) I’ll be thinking of you, Sara, as I know how hard that will be.
Have a safe trip,
Constance
Ronniesoul said,
June 19, 2009 at 6:32 am
Oh Sara, it seems like ages since I’ve been over, sorry.
It’s Fathers Day here in the UK on Sunday, I will be thinking of you Sara.
Love.
Ronnie
xx
swan said,
June 19, 2009 at 11:21 am
I understand that “switching gears” sort of emotional whiplash. I am deeply into my annual switch from the classroom to the house. I always find it interesting to see how my mind and heart navigate the passage from totally “in charge of everything” at school to “totally at His beck and call” here at home. Although we do the workday to home shift all through the year, it is miniscule in comparison to this. I do feel as if it is going more smoothly this year. Perhaps, like you, I’ve simply grown into it for long enough that it is not as difficult as it once was.
All the best,
swan
Ally said,
June 19, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Sara,
It sounds like you have a lot going on… it’s nice that Grant is an anchor for you to hang on to when you need him, and that he knows when you need him.
Have a safe trip…!
Ally
Sir J said,
June 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Sara,
My condolences on the passing of your Father, my own Father passed away nearly 15 years ago and I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom. All I can tell you is a miss him dearly. It does get less painful.
As for the scheduling you are right it seems it is not that romantic but sometimes not scheduling means it would not happen and that is even less romantic. In the end I have come to realise that scheduling maintenance or even sex is an act of caring and determination to not let life get in the way. In that light it may be the most romantic thing you can do.
ginger said,
June 19, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Switching roles – work and home, two totally different worlds. My difficulty comes inside the home. Now that I stay at home, waiting for the youngest to get a bit older before re-entering the workforce, I orchestrate the home life in almost every detail.
Zed, the one with the executive position away from home, is largely uninvolved in the inner workings of how the home life is organized. I handle the bills, the financial planning (which I run past him of course, with his rote “that’s great!” approval), the kids’ schedules and doings, or vacations etc etc. All of this is delegated to me, to unburden him since he has an extremely demanding job that often takes him away as well. The difficulty in switching gears comes from when he makes the rare decision to become actively involved in these things in which he normally shows no real interest. I want to resist him, because I do it everyday and KNOW what works best…lol….
So yeah, switching roles within the roles (so to speak) for me is challenging.
I relate so well to the ‘knowing’ our guys have, of what we need, when we need it even when we don’t think we need it. When I get stubborn, being put back in my place is indeed a comforting thing and I am glad he steps up and stays in his role when I am resisting mine!!
g.
Amber said,
June 20, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I liked this. Very sweet and very intimately bonded.
Vesta said,
June 21, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Sara:
This post resonated with me in so many ways. There is the feeling of being neglected, which makes one less willing to comply to get the thing one should have had in the first place to avoid feeling neglected: attention. This is when the man needs to be steady, and a scheduled time made, regardless of the lack of romance because the alternative is much worse.
Have a wonderful summer at the ranch.
doubleknot said,
June 23, 2009 at 11:47 am
“… I grabbed my suit from the heap on the floor and went back to my office. I sat a bit tenderly issuing those executive orders this afternoon”
Actually, that’s kind of hot!
Sara said,
June 27, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Constance, I am glad you care, and hope it is the same reason that I do, because we recognize each other and that is really nice to find!
Ronnie, thanks!
Swan, I am glad that switch is coming easier this year.
Ally, I am very lucky to have him!
Jay, thank you for the condolences. Yes, perhaps the steady commitment has it’s own romance.
Ginger, I agree it IS hard when you run things and then he tries to suddenly step in. I have a much harder time with that stuff! Like with the kids…don’t even get me started!
TY Amber!
Very true Vesta, we learned by trial and error to do, whether we feel like it or not!
doubleknot, after the feeling a bit awkward…yeah it’s hot! lol