A Question On Submission Excercises

Hello to both of you!
I am in a fairly young (2 yrs) relationship that has incorporated spanking literally from day one. We have explored the ideas of D/s, and use them somewhat, but have decided that a full D/s relationship is not right for us until we are living together, which we don’t now (waiting to be married and all).
Well, we have been reading blogs and such for about a year now, and the time is drawing near, and we will be sharing a roof soon.
My question is this; You mentioned in one of your posts that the two of you do not use “submission exercises”. I understand your reasoning behind not using them, but do you have either some examples of submission exercises or perhaps a link? It would be much appreciated!
Best to both of you, your blogs are wonderful and inspiring.

Michael

 

Dear Michael,

Sara and I did not at first do submission ‘exercises’.  I thought they were too ‘childish’ and possibly degrading. However, I changed my mind a while ago and here is the reasoning:

1.  I now understand that submission is a good way to enhance and grow a feeling of trust, and to create a set of boundaries wherein a woman can feel safe. For example, I now often ask Sara to clean up any piles of “stuff” that are lying around the house being neglected.  I do not feel comfortable with such piles and so she knows she has to do it anyway.  By giving her the chore and requesting it done by a certain time, we strengthen our relationship.  She feels attended to and also gets the feeling that comes with getting avoidable projects completed. She can practice submission while actually getting some things accomplished that she might have been putting off due to procrastination.

2.  Sometimes I ask Sara to go to our room and wait for me–not a long time, but time enough to get her to understand who is in control…and to focus on why our relationship improves with her submitting to this simple request.

3.  I now ask her to bring me a coffee or a drink (not often) whereas before, through many years of our relationship, I had been trained by society that to ask a women to bring you coffee is degrading.  Now, I feel differently.  For one, I often do little things, and have always done little things like this for Sara.  I actually enjoyed showing her how much I cared and respected her. It never felt degrading to me. Now, at unexpected times I will ask her to stop whatever she is doing to attend to me. I understand that this meets a need for both of us.

4.  I do ask Sara to dress nicely when we go out. I expect her to keep herself physically healthy.  I require her to take her vitamins, and to eat right most of the time.  These might sound like impositions, but actually they are not only good for Sara, but good for us and our family to have healthy lifestyle.  We owe our health to our mates. There are in the moment “submission exercises” we do,  but our lifestyle involves an expectation of 24/7 submission, and daily practice is part of that. She is well aware of my expectations.

5.  There are times when I feel that Sara needs me to pull her back from the brink of anxiety and feelings of being out of control.  I sense these moments and try to give her a feeling that she does not always have to be in control…as long as I am there to keep her safe or to provide security. Assigning tasks, giving smaller directives helps to remind her that she is not alone in her life, that I will care for her.

       The “submission exercises”…assigned tasks, commands, directives and requests can vary greatly. Above are a few examples of every day moments. There are also times I set aside an evening that will start with orders to go into our bedroom and wait, with specific instructions, and evolve into an evening of sexual submission play.

        What I ask her to do is not as important as the action I take to become more directive, to assert my authority. This triggers her to become responsive and reactive, to align herself closely with me, to connect us and improve our harmony. It helps her to feel safe, cared for, and content and it helps me to feel like I am in an organically balanced relationship. An organic balance is different from a politically balanced relationship because the former is based upon human intimacy and the latter is based upon external images, intellectual ideas and conforming societal pressures.

There is a lot of information about the balance issues, but that would be matter for another inquiry.

I hope this helps.

The Best,

Grant