A Jumble of Thoughts on TTWD
When we talk about DD we usually mean rules and consequences and it seems pretty simple. It is often thought to be about behaviors and corrections. But beginning that dynamic takes you places…it can, if you want…into submission and dominance, towards developing a power dynamic in your relationship. There begins to be an emotional connectedness that can grow from that, and a sense of satisfaction and a deep grounding as well.
TTWD can be lot more than spanking. There are things…tones, looks, words, commands, activities, that move me in ways that are powerful, though often not comfortable. Sometimes, when I am off-balance, emotionally shaky, insecure, worried, feeling scared or alone, a spanking session will put my world to rights. That mostly works.
But there are other things we do now. Things I will probably not talk about because they feel too personal and intimate, and I am a little shy. And because they are between us, and because he won’t want me to talk about them. And because they touch me in places that feel a little scary and sometimes raw. There are things he does that I don’t like. He has me do things. These can be rather hard for me. He touches me literally and figuratively in ways that feel almost painful with the vulnerability. No secrets, no walls, no “no”. And yet after, when I calm, when he holds me, when I come back from the places he takes me, I feel settled, claimed, loved, his.
There are times when there will be multiple things, over a day or two. The effect has been to pull me from an emotional drift, leaving me simply quiet in his embrace…literally and figuratively. I think it doesn’t matter what these things are, because they are our things, that move him, me, us…that evoke the feelings and trigger responses. I am thinking if we compared notes there would be similarities and many differences. We each find our own way.
I don’t know what else to say about it, except that this is special, different, deep, good. My stomach does a small flip thinking about all this, but I feel better, safer, more firmly grounded and balanced, than I had for the several weeks before. And it always works that way. I have to keep reminding myself.
s said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I hear ya. Those things R does that I “don’t like” serve to remind me of his control. That leaves me feeling very contained, something I desire and *need*, at the end of it all. Plus, with the knowledge that he will never truly harm me, that even when he does these things he is not being selfish and thoughtless about how I feel……he knows what he is doing, and he knows what it does for me.
Without you having to explain, I think I know exactly what you mean!!
s.
Heather said,
October 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I’m waiting for these. Did it take awhile to get to them with you guys? I’m actually wishing for them. Part of that “over the edge” post you made awhile back, I guess. For me this would go over the edge, but being new to it, I’m certain he’s afraid to push too hard or in bad areas for me.
Anyway, I’m glad you are here to share what you are able to. It certainly is helping others find a path that helps us feel stable and secure!
Janet said,
October 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Sara,
If I were to write a blog on my site today it probably would have sounded just like yours did today.
It’s been a very stressful week here and well I don’t do stress well so last night there was a stress relief spanking. It helped but didn’t take me where I needed to be. So Wil like your HOH had me do the one thing that brings me to complete submissiveness and shows me that he is the one in our relationship that is in control. Like you I don’t like to get into those details but it worked beautifully. He knew exactly what I needed and provided it.
As I fell asleep in his arms last night I felt completely relaxed and completely loved. I don’t know what it is about our wiring that makes us so complete after a session like this but I know I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Meow said,
October 24, 2009 at 4:55 pm
There are certain things that Lash does that make me really ‘deep down’ feel his control and that’s very comforting and safe. I like your phrase “an emotional drift”. I feel like that sometimes. I’ve lost my anchor and am drifting away from my safe haven. Thanks for stating it so well! Meow
KayLynn said,
October 24, 2009 at 6:16 pm
I’m so glad you posted this topic Sara. I have gone through this as well. And while Greg won’t spank me for discipline there are those other things where ‘no’s’ not an option. And while he’s not said anything specific about those times, during those times, I know the correlation/intent. It does leave me feeling very grounded & connected to him. I think there’s a part in me that understands I can’t stop myself on some levels. And while that sounds terribly immature I know, I tell you truthfully I believe it is more of an emotionality within me that gets carried away. I feel things with depths that scare me – not often mind you – but when I have run through the green lights with accumulating speed, it seems the momentum is there and I’ll run a red one occasionally. And despite the consequences, I am, in the last analysis grateful for them. (And I swear sometimes I think someone reading my writings could say “Yes! Perfect example of _____________(*insert some psychological disorder here*) don’t you think?! Let’s file this one under the “classic” category!!). But I cannot and will not deny that all our actions have caused us to dove tail toward our future.
BabyMan said,
October 25, 2009 at 6:29 am
Thank you Sara. You have put into words the feelings and emotions that I desire and am working to evoke in my SugarAnne. I sense it to be a screaming need in her that I desire to grow to fulfill.
Chloe said,
October 25, 2009 at 8:54 am
Hi Sara… You’ve made me VERY curious, and I’m thinking a lot about my own answer to these sorts of questions now…
What is it about spanking that makes it qualify for you as NOT too personal or intimate to talk about with the internet-world? Is it because “everyone” already talks about it? Is it because you don’t view it as sexual or humiliating? I feel like there is so much about the way you talk about spanking that IS personal and intimate, it’s interesting to think about where you (and me, and everyone actually) draw these lines between what is “too” intimate to share and why.
I know there are things I would tell a real-life casual acquaintance LONG before I’d tell the internet. (Like my address, for example.) But there are (obviously!) things I’d tell the online world long before I’d tell a casual acquaintance. Our lines just get drawn in such fascinating places depending on where we are talking and who is in our audience, what we think they can/should/have earned the right to know, and how we fear they will react to what we have to say – what risk it puts us at to tell them.
~Chloe
Grant said,
October 25, 2009 at 11:06 am
Dear Sara,
Good post–I I would like to add: When you feel safe and secure I feel that my efforts are appreciated and I feel worthy of your respect.
Jessica said,
October 25, 2009 at 11:11 am
Sara, this was a great post. When I was a 24/7 slave I would do anything my Mistress (Sarah) asked of me. There were things that scared me and I just wanted to run from but I never did. I was hers and anything she asked of me or wanted to do to my body she could. Thanks for posting this.
-Jessica-
Marie said,
October 25, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Hi Sara. Do you think there came a point when Grant’s spanking you wasn’t enough and therefore he’s had to add other intimate interactions to achieve the same closeness? Is spanking like a drug that a person can develope a tolerance for…and I’m not talking about physically tolerating more, but emotionally becoming immune to the intimate-ness of it? What are your thoughts? Based on your Spanking Fever posts a few weeks ago, I would say think that you are still very sensitive the closeness and intimacy of a spanking, but can it alone still get you to the same warm and fuzzy place as it used to?
By the way, I don’t see the contradiction in the lines you have drawn about what you will talk about and what you will not write about on your blog. You have never talked explicitly about sex or even about the personal details of your spankings. So, if your enhance TTWD activities are of a more sexual nature, I see clearly why you wouldn’t detail them on this blog and I am frankly glad you don’t. Cause when you start posting pictures of your bum, I am outa here…lol!
Florida Dom said,
October 25, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Sara: I think the important thing is for each person to discuss on their blog what they want to discuss. It’s their blog and they can draw any line they want to. Each person should go into the things they’re comfortable talking about and leave it at that.
FD
Ally said,
October 25, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Sara, I was moved by your post. It speaks to the depth of your relationship and commitment. I hope to someday be where you are, vulmerable, trusting, and willing.
Sara said,
October 25, 2009 at 9:36 pm
s, I was really nervous about posting this, and it helped me to feel better, hearing that you understood! I think you DO know exactly, too.
Heather, it really did take a while…a pretty long while, in fact. We all grow in our own direction and at our own pace, but it all takes time and effort!
I am glad you have found ways that work so well for you Janet!
Meow, I think we have some similar feelings about things, We are lucky that our guys can help!
KayLynn, each and every one of us is diagnosable. Freud said Neurotic was “normal”, I try to hold onto that!
Baby Man, thanks for commenting and welcome. I took a look at your blog…and will be back.
Chloe, a really good question that inspired it’s own post! Stay tuned!
Grant, I wonder if you know how special you really are?
Hi Jessica, I have never considered myself a slave, but I do get the submissive part and how good and connected that can make you feel.
Marie, does this mean you don’t want to see my bum???? Sheesh lady! I have a more in depth answer to your question coming as well.
FD, wise as usual!
Aww Ally, thank you! You can take your marriage anywhere you and B decide to. If there is any message I want to impart it is that! Just don’t give up!