I am sure feeling the love this morning. I am hoping that Grant is convinced that I am convinced that I am fine and not in need of further reminders of his affections for a while. He said “We’ll see” which means exactly that. He’ll be watching.
He is can be the most unobservant man if there is something I am wanting him to notice, and zeros in quickly on everything I would just as soon he miss, let alone might be trying to hide. How do you guys do that?
I began my post on punishment spankings with “There’s been spanking and then more spanking at our house, but none of it has been the fun variety.” There’s been 4 in the past 6 days! After the punishment spanking I was due a maintenance spanking, and Grant feels that if maintenance is scheduled then we stick to the program. i.e. I got two spankings, a punishment and then another full maintenance back to back. That’s just how he does things, and although I have to say he went comparably easy on me for the punishment, I was sore the next day.
That was Tuesday night. Thursday night before bed we were sitting at the dining room table together, when he pulled up his calendar on his phone to check his next days’ schedule. He uses abbreviations. I heard him mutter out loud, “S.B?….What could that be? S.B. 1 PM?…Oooh!” I looked up to see him smiling at me. “It stands for Spank Butt! Did we schedule for 1?” I am sure my eyes went wide, and I know I was half sputtering and half laughing, “Spank Butt??? Well, how charming! No we do not have an appointment and the housekeeper is here past 1 on Friday!” “When does she leave?” “Um, about 2:30.” “OK, we’ll meet at then, or as soon as she’s gone.” “But Grant (with the slightest bit of a whine) you just spanked me 2 days ago and I am still a bit sore! Why tomorrow?” He firms his tone, “Because you’ve been a bad girl!”, but I know the man’s playing me! “What?” “I am just kidding, but I do think you need some more regular attention right now. 2:30.”
I just looked at him. After all, what more is there to say? Arguing does not work. I am certain I have been the poster girl for wifely decorum and pleasantness since Tuesday night…but, yeah, I am admittedly a bit on edge, somewhat stressed, feeling…unsettled in general. Sigh.
I was in the bedroom at the appointed time, not happy but ready. Resigned but not especially pleased. I know, so many of you work so hard to GET spanked, that I should not be complaining, And Grant said exactly that to me! He does ‘get it’; he knows what I need; he follows through…”So hush up Sara and let him be the spanking husband I asked him to be!” I said to myself.
I did tell him how I felt, though, that I was still tender, that I wasn’t looking forward to this. But I felt he deserved full disclosure from me, so I also acknowledged that he was probably right, that I am unsettled and, and…something is going on inside of me. I really don’t know all that I am feeling and I really don’t know if spanking will help. I do know for sure at the end of the day it is not my call to make.
I was a little surprised at the intensity and duration of the spanking. He didn’t go easy on me. Right at the start, he used the leather paddle. It felt really hard to me! I looked back and asked, “Hey…where’s the warm up?” I could not help myself, even knowing that my quips and attempts to direct a spanking only confirm his idea that it is much needed. Sheesh, a girl can’t win. The more I complain the harder and longer he spanks. And we’ve done this for a while. I do know this…so why do I open my mouth? I can’t seem to help myself sometimes…which he says is exactly his point, apparently. (Insert pout here!)
Sigh. He told me he was thinking of spanking me every day for a bit but then backed off to every other. He scheduled again for later Sunday afternoon. I was still a bit sore. I was again not especially looking forward to the spanking, but I do trust him to know what I need and to provide.
I turned that over to him a long time ago. It is one of the fundamentals of our domestic discipline agreement. While he, of course, expects me to take care of myself, my ultimate health and wellbeing are in his hands. If he decides I need to do or have something, his decision stands. He asked for my word on that when we began Dd. He feels strongly that it is part of his role as husband, HoH, my protector. Spanking has fallen under that umbrella of being his call on what is best. I am to take a daily vitamin, not drive over 70 mph, and he spanks when he thinks I need it.
This is not punishment; this is not stress relief…exactly. This is not for fun. This sort of spanking is for reassurance, to let me feel his attention, his focus and his dominance. He takes me over his knee, holds me tight, shows me in every way possible that I am his. He reminds me that he is in control so that I don’t have to try to be. He makes sure I know that I am not alone, but rather watched, cared for, protected. He spanks me until I let go and turn myself over to him, submitting from the inside out.
So the term “Reassurance Spanking”, what does it mean?
Reassurance: 1.) Act, human action, human activity — (something that people do or cause to happen)
act of Reassuring; Reassure, assure — (cause to feel sure; give reassurance to; “The airline tried to reassure the customers that the planes were safe”)
2.) Reassure — (give or restore confidence in; cause to feel sure or certain; “I reassured him that we were safe”)
3.) Reassuring; (restoring someone’s confidence)
4.) Reassurance; (The dominant administered a reassurance spanking to his submissive to let her feel certain that she was safe “)?
I didn’t particularly want these spankings, and I am not even 100% sure they will help me. But I do know when he decided they will happen, they will. I also do know a series of spankings like this has helped me to feel safe, more steady and centered, in the past. They have indeed reassured my confidence in him, in us, and then ultimately, in myself. The man knows what he’s doing. He’s had 5 yrs to study me and practice TTWD. I’ll trust him.
Sara,
I totally get the reassurance spanking thing. At this time in my life, I’m all over those. The more, the merrier!
Sara, it has never been easy to tell my wife she’s getting a spanking–I’m sure she has absolutely no sympathy for my difficulties. But I see results when I follow through. As I wrote in my blog, It has been rough and intense the last couple of days she has been dramatically better. I hope you are too.
I am now quite convinced! There is a secret internet society for Tops/Doms/HOH/Husbands and they are secretly exchanging information! I could swear that our husbands are talking, or listening to the same advice and this “spanking every other day” idea was somehow shared among them! H is also not put off my how tender I already am. (I remember thinking that would never happen.) But I must say, that I am more myself than I’ve been in a while. I think sometimes, it just takes “more than one” and “series” really does spell commitment, and reassurance doesn’t it?
And I hope your results were or will be positive.
Ah, I think ‘reassurance’ spankings are much better than maintenance. I really dislike the word, and all it implies, the longer this whole spanking thing goes on.
Maintenance… it’s the necessary evil, that which must be done. Other sorts of maintenance in our lives include oil changes, mowing the lawn, having the furnace cleaned, painting the pantry, etc. Now, why would we want spankings of any type to be classified in the same breath as a chore?
Reassurance is much better. It turns the spanking into a relational experience….
s
Ally, I would be happy to send all my extras to you!
Mick, I am trying hard to feel for you. Let me see….nope, got nuthin’! Actually, I am teasing, and I know you guys have a hard job, BUT, I still do think we have the tougher end of this particular arrangement!
Elysia, I really do thing I am better, thanks. It’s tempting to think there is a secret HoH society, but in truth you do know most of our guys go it alone. I just think if we communicate honestly, and of our guys are open to the information, the ins and outs of TTWD becomes pretty basic!
Serenity, I am so on board with that! I hate the term “Maintenance” too, but we used it in the beginning when we were figuring things out, simply because others did, and the habit is hard to drop. I think I will have to take a stand and try to change that!
Agreeing with Serenity, I think the “reassurance spanking” is an excellent relational term. It also works both ways. A willing submissive is reassurance to a Dominant, that he still has the privilege of control. Good insight Sara.
Sara, you gave me my biggest laugh of the day. And to Elysia, I promise you that men have no club, no support group where they can discuss their “feelings” as well as their strategies. LOL.
Mick, I just finished dinner and saw your comment. I laughed out loud and had to tell them what made me laugh. Now my boys are pretending to discuss their “feelings”, and they are hysterical! You know darn well I said “information, and I’m telling you right now, I may be submissive to my husband, but YOU my friend are in for some “paybacks” big time! (is there an emoticon with a tongue sticking out?)
And if you think you are going to tell on me, well, I’m getting spanked tonight anyway, so it wouldn’t matter! :-Q (best I can do!)
Elysia, you can do the tongue sticking out like this ;P. What exactly would I tell on you about? Sticking out your tongue? If I’m going to tell on you, I need specifics
.
B Man, “A willing submissive is reassurance to a Dominant, that he still has the privilege of control.” You make an excellent point! Thanks for adding your insightful perspective.
Mick, glad you were amused…and should we not tell anyone how soft you dom types REALLY are? Shhhhh!
Elysia…feeling feisty are we? And teasing poor Mick? Tsk! If you’re going to tease a man, you must learn how to stick out your tongue properly! :p
Sara,
I’d be willing to bet that they will, and do, help in some way. It may not pull you fully out of whatever funk you’re in, but I’ll bet it will make you feel more grounded. And that is not to be underrated while we are bouncing over waves, trying desperately to keep our boat from capsizing!
s.
s, You’re right. The truth is there have been some significant real-life troubles closing in on me. Spanking fixes none of them, BUT it keeps us connected and our dynamic well tuned. It helps me to feel cared for and knowing I am not alone. It helps to keep me less-stressed and at very least my hormones stable. All that goes a long way!
“This is not punishment; this is not stress relief…exactly. This is not for fun. This sort of spanking is for reassurance, to let me feel his attention, his focus and his dominance. He takes me over his knee, holds me tight, shows me in every way possible that I am his. He reminds me that he is in control so that I don’t have to try to be. He makes sure I know that I am not alone, but rather watched, cared for, protected. He spanks me until I let go and turn myself over to him, submitting from the inside out.”
This speaks VOLUMES to me, Sara. Beautifully expressed. I think you have just introduced another kind of spanking to Michael and me. What a warm and wonderful post!
I’d like to add you to our blogroll if that’s okay with you.
Season, Thank you for coming by to check me out! I would be delighted to be added to your blogroll.
Season,
that is exactly the part I pulled out to send to my boyfriend; it expresses exactly how I feel also.
Thanks, Sara! Love what you write!
Jane – I love knowing that and finding such like-minded people.
Sara, the part that others mentioned and Season quoted spoke volumes to me too. I also understand that generally unsettled feeling and just how disquieting it is.
I really like your new term.
Me too Emilie.
I agree, the part quoted is wonderful and exactly what I pulled out and sent to my husband. Thank you.
I haven’t checked in in a long, long time. I am the happiest ever with the new boyfriend, about 4 months. Not dominant but told him about spanking and we hadn’t done it in 5 or 6 and I got a serious, long, hard multiple implement one and felt so close to him afterward… I’m still all cuddly from it though I screamed and it hurt like hell…
After so long no spanking and I”m with him 4 nights a week unless out of town or something, I’m super marked but I don’t care..
It was a surprise as we went into bedroom, thinking I was just about to ahve sex. He said, “Sweetheart, I’m going to whip you tonight” and I said okay. But the whip is evil and he is not going to use it. It’s not DD, really, though I did doubt him about something jokingly at a store, but not in front of the clerk. He said, THIS is for doubting me. it was all in fun but I also loved his authority …
Happy girl!