The Man Who Stands Behind Me

I am going to dress up and look important today. I am going to go into meetings with people who need to be told what to do. I am going to reprimand a high level manager today, try to help her to take responsibility for her mismanagement, and then encourage her to see how she can do better, and also impart my faith in her that she can if she decides to.

Yesterday I had many meetings, weighed many issues, made many decisions, told many people what to do. I also reprimanded one person and authorized another to be fired.

The day before that, at the end of a very long work day, I knocked on the door of a young woman who’s supervisor made her cry. She had challenged authority in front of another co-worker, and she was wrong, and needed correction. She received the correction but perhaps not the after-care, and I stepped in to take care of that. But you see, I have learned that people at work are very worried when I knock on their door and say “Can we talk?” So as I walked into her office and shut the door I said “Do you have a few minutes? You are not in trouble!”

I am the CEO of a business that employs and manages many hundreds of people. I supervise people who supervise people who supervise people. So, because I have CEO stamped on my forehead, and because I have the authority that comes with that job (Yes, I do wear a nice tiara), people sometimes worry when they are around me. They are on their best behavior, and they sure get scared when I knock on their door for a private talk,

I’m a really nice person, and I am good at what I do, which means I am kind to the people I  am responsible to direct. Honestly I am. It’s just me; Sara, submissive wife, mother, friend, blogger…

But life is not that simple is it? We all have to don our capes and play our roles and do our best to be who we need to be. Right now I need to be strong, tough, a leader among leaders.

My dear friend, my right hand man, and a mentor of sorts, had a heart attack. We had lunch yesterday for the 1^st time since it happened. He was just well enough for that. I am not sure he will be back in any real capacity, certainly not a full-time one. I am sad and a bit lonely. In fact, it brings tears, just writing that. But I can’t go into he office and cry, so I do that in the mornings at home, then I put that away and go to work.  And I drag myself home to my husband at night, with not much to give, and not even much to say.

He’s been a trooper, Grant has. He is always my rock, and this time is no exception. Needless to say, I am weary. I miss having the time or energy to participate much in being my other self with him. I’ve not had much time or energy for letting down my guard or my walls and being that other me. He had intended to spank me on Wednesday night, but I worked too late, stayed longer for a drink and a talk with a manager, arrived home beyond fatigued. We got into PJ’s and went to bed. We were scheduled for a spanking last night, and I came home early, tired, achy, just not feeling well. He sent me to bed.

We have a three-day weekend coming and I am sure we will catch up. I know we need to. But, I am ever so grateful for the man I have who has what it takes to stand beside and sometimes behind a woman like me. He’s a man who’s not intimidated by me, not my cape, and not my nice tiara. He’s not afraid of any part of me, and he’s able to assess what I really need, and committed to give me whatever that is. He steps up and takes care of me, in whatever circumstance I find myself.  He’s man enough to let me be me, to cheer me on, to wrap me in his arms and his authority, when I return home to him at the end of each day. Just as I have learned to be a woman who leads and follows, he has learned to be a man who leads and supports.

I am truly not  sure if I could go back out there and do what I need to today, even with my cape and my nice tiara, if it weren’t for that man.

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