The No Spanking Before Coffee Rule

There were things I have wanted to share this week, and so little time! It’s been a week since I’ve updated about us, and I so wanted to write here, to read your blogs. But work was CRAZY this week…too crazy. And then there’s been husband time, and kid time. All important! I guess three weeks of vacation takes its toll. Consequences exist in this world. Why is it so hard to remember that? ;)

Thus, yesterday when it snowed and we got 6 inches I was delighted! I made it a self-declared “snow day”!

snow woods

In fact, now it is Sunday and I am still in my velvet “lounge attire”. You see Grant directed asked me to “Get rid of those awful sweatsuits!” very early on in our DD life. All ragged flannel nightwear, anything stretched out, baggy, or with holes, went too. Some of my most comfortable stuff thrown out! :( I have to dress up for work all week and sometimes, on a weekend, or after work, a girl just wants to relax, ya know? But then once he asked me, “Why do you feel it’s important that you dress to look good for everyone else but me?” Sigh… He figured I can relax and look good too….for him. And I did it for him. And yes, he does deserve that. I have tried, and found alternate very comfortable things to wear that do not make me look like a rag picker!

Anyway, my “snow day” has spanned the weekend and I am still not dressed to leave the house and loving it! Never mind that the driveway was already plowed and the walk shovelled by the time I woke up yesterday…I made it my decree: housebound! Grant has been away since Thursday and won’t return until tonight. Only my son is home with me. I got to sleep in, relax, spent much of the two days catching up on blogs and blogging. My daughter stopped by for a visit. We built a fire.


Then I had lunch with the two kids, watched a movie with my son last evening. Heaven!!!!

Our version of DD is moving along at its own pace. I, and my bottom are sadly out of practice, so we’re doing reconnect or maintenance spankings but he’s taking it pretty easy on me. I can feel him feeling his way, taking care, and that is very reassuring.

I’m such a good girl there’s not much to take issue with!


I mean seriously…

EXCEPT before coffee. Who talks to someone before coffee anyway? Who asks questions and expects reasonable answers before coffee?

A few days ago he came to me very early, right after my alarm went off, to ask if the winter gloves he held were his or our son’s. “I don’t know.”, I said. I tried to look at him and the gloves. They were…black. They both received black leather gloves for Christmas. I asked “Do they LOOK like yours?” He said, “Well they fit my hands.” Seriousy…’They fit your hands?’ I thought to myself. So…I said. “Well, look at the tag. If there is an ‘L’ on it they are yours. If there is an ‘XL’ on it they are his.” I went face down again in the pillow. He stood there for a moment and then walked out of the bedroom.

I got up and quickly made that ‘must have the second I wake’ up cup of strong coffee, and then said good morning and asked nicely if he figured out whose gloves he had. Too late for nice, apparently. He hugged me and then informed me they were not his, but he had found his own, and then that next time I talk to him like that, “I am going to just pull your pants down and whack your butt right then and there! No more hesitation!”

Huh? “For WHAT?” I asked. “Your tone. It says it all. You talked to me like I was an idiot! I won’t allow it again!”

“I didn’t even KNOW I had a tone!”

“That’s the problem.”

“Then how do I know what you’re talking about?”

“You think about it, and if you still can’t figure it out, I guess you’ll know when you use it again!”

Hmmm, did he mean that tone? I don’t remember sounding sarcastic, or really having a coherent thought…except I do remember thinking…how would I know whose gloves they were, and is it my fault some men need direction on how to read a tag?


I politely explained:

“Honey, I am sorry, but there is a rule.”

“A rule?” (of course the one eyebrow arches)

“Yes. It is written. No spanking before coffee!”

“Yeah, well there’s a no attitude before coffee rule too!”


31 thoughts on “The No Spanking Before Coffee Rule

  1. Oh, I must take umbrage with the no attitude before coffee rule. Personally, I think any day I don’t kill someone before I get my coffee is a good day, lol.

  2. Mm mm mmm, do we relate to this one. I’m the one that drinks coffee but I’m also the one who is up before the rooster while my wife struggles to wake up each morning. None of my family appreciates that morning is the very best part of the day. My sons simply don’t talk–if I push them, they’ll snarl. My wife is just simply overmatched at this time and can’t defend herself.

    How I understand that “tone.” The one that says I’m a complete idiot. I have been known to enforce this on the spot, too, and I’ve also said, if you don’t know what I’m talking about then you’ll find out the next time you use it.

    Of course, the tables are turned a bit when it gets late in the evening and my wife “comes alive” at about the time when any decent human being would be thinking of turning in. However, I wouldn’t dream of using any tone with her at that time… mostly because I’m sleepwalking. And besides, simply speaking, we have a double standard.

    Works fine for me :)

  3. Oh those type of questions are infuriating. Or any really that deal with ‘man eyes’. I try to remember ( sadly it is usually after the fact) that my husband would NEVER respond to me in a disrespectful manner. Good luck trying to hash out the details of your rule *wink*

  4. Hey Sara…Give him my rule. If no one speaks to me, other than to say ‘morning’ (good is optional) until I’ve had my morning allotment of caffeine, no one gets an attitude or gets hurt…very simple. ;)

  5. Thank goodness I’m up long before my husband. I’d likely be in trouble every day if he were to ask me questions before coffee. My kids know better ;). The first question my daughter asks me every morning, “is that your second cup or should I wait to ask where my sneakers are”?

  6. We’re 2 birds of a feather faerie!

    One of the many things I truly appreciate about you Mick is your honesty: “simply speaking, we have a double standard…Works fine for me” Uh yeah…no kidding! :P

    Willie, sadly, I don’t think there’s going to be any hashing…a thrashing perhaps? :shock:

    Cat, I like it! :)

    Michele, why is that kids and husbands don’t know where things are or who they belong to?

  7. Lol, they crack me up with those kind of questions… I realized on our honeymoon that I was going to be the one who knew where everything was lol :)

  8. I remember very well the first time I got in trouble for tone. It totally caught me off guard….it was a wake up call…that is for sure! But first thing in the morning??? Surely we cannot be held accountable for what we say before coffee…or in my case diet coke ;)

  9. If I had a dime for every swat that I have received before the clock has struck six am in the past couple years, I would be a rich woman. Independently wealthy…and still without coffee.

    I have tried to instill this rule in my husband’s heart–over and over and over again. It’s not taking. If you have success, please let us know how it’s done! :)

  10. Sara, that thing about the clothes- went through that too. Suddenly he had a voice as to what I wore. I recall being OTK and H saying, “what are these? go buy new!” And the next day he told me how much to spend at VS. I was taken aback, as he was usually complaining about the bills! Yes, a girl needs her comfy clothes- I have been surprising H by buying comfy and form fitting lounge clothes that I only wear for him. Things I’d never wear outside of the house. He loves it!
    I saw a sign once, you know, one of those fake type signs to hang in a basement bar area. It said, “Sarcasm Society” in big letters, then down below it said, “like we need your support!” lol
    Funny glove story. H and I were just talking about using a leather glove for spanking-(perfectly packable too). He has yet to do it. (oops, did I just give G any ideas!- like you need my support! ;-))
    As for me, a spanking would wake me up like no cup o’ Joe ever could! Just sayin. :-)

  11. Good luck with that rule. Seems like my husband doesn’t pay attention to it. Very rude if you ask me. Sounds like a great weekend and I am glad that things are going so well.

  12. Elle, it’s actually a tossup, who’s more lost around our house.

    Tone, facial expressions, attitude…it’s all so unconscious and hard to get a handle on Lucy!

    Susie, recently, gauging by my spankings, I am not exactly the he poster girl for successful DD wife!

    “Sarcasm Society” Elysia? Honey, I am a lifetime member!

    Blondie, I agree…before coffee is simply RUDE!

  13. Make mine a ‘Lazy Sunday’ medium roast!

    We skirt carefully around one another in the mornings – fortunately these days I am mostly either up early and away to work, or we snuggle for an extra half hour!

    I do have a tendency to be snippy before my coffee – I have no excuse and I don’t know why I am like that. So if I ever have to speak to any of you before my coffee I’m apologising here in advance for my attitude!

    We had snow dumped on us last night as well by the way, and I could match your scene Sara. Looks lovely but extremely cold. I love your fireplace too, our fire isn’t lit yet, but here’s hoping…

    Hugs, Ami

  14. Hi Sarah
    I’ve always read your blog, this is the first time I’m commenting.
    I just love your posts and have learnt so much from you and your husband :)
    See I have tried on so many occasions to bring Stormy’s “coffee clause” I know others have too, unfortunately it never works :(
    I have been told by hubs I can have my clause if he can incorporate his own, ” I will spank because I can clause” which basically would override mine every time, not funny ;)
    But why is it that men and kids always assume, we always know where everything is ?

  15. LOL.Firstly, why shouldn’t WE have the odd rule…..even the kids do here….along the lines of if I have to do a pick up at school I should arrive late, talk to noone and preferably not get out of the car.Oh and not wear any silly sweat/gym clothes either because I should be accepting of the fact that there’s not much point keeping fit at my age anymore (!)

    As for silly questions….when I was having dinner with Ronnie last week I got a text from Peter asking where the cling film (for sandwiches) was. Duh ! In the bottom cupobard where it has rested for nigh on 25 years.WHY did her have to contact me about THAT.We were having a lovely conversation about all KIND of things.Also,I had prepared a long list of instructions/helpful tips/prepared meal for my absence of…..wait for it…..24 hours.

    Think I’ll snarl abit more before coffee because I’ve just started the 2/5 diet.It’s 8.48am and I’m freaking starving.But I will get into that bikini in the Summer.


  16. Sounds like you had a lovely cozy weekend Eek – no attitude before coffee rule, good luck Sara! It seems many of us have tried and failed to instill the no spanking before coffee rule – sigh. Somehow it doesn’t seem to go down well with our HoH’s LoL. I do like Cat’s rule – perfect!

    Those kind of questions really are prone to bringing out the sas or feisty aren’t they? LoL


  17. Bea, I’m pretty sure before I even get out of bed is what Grant had in mind. Heck of a way to start the day!?

    Ami, lots of space between us pre-coffee is a wise decision I’m thinking!

    Hi Missy! “I will spank because I can clause” seems pretty popular amongst our guys! Humph!

    Sarah, “Why shouldn’t WE have the odd rule”? Indeed! Let’s start a list of our own and see how far we get with that, shall we? You go first? ;)

    Roz, seemingly dumb simply questions can bring out the sass!

  18. Hi Sara,

    Just stumbled over from faeries blog and really enjoyed your post. Usually in those situations I just say “no coffee yet” but that does not work either. Oh well.

  19. I usually get a pass if I haven’t had my coffee yet. He’s nice like that.

    Your weekend sounds lovely. I love snow days. Glad you are doing well.

  20. Thank you all for your comments and support!

    I notice it was a unanimous decision that there is no “before coffee rule”

    Much obliged! ;)

  21. Tess, agreed. some days he’s a bear before coffee too!

    Hi dancingbarez and welcome!

    Zoe, I used to get a pass. :(

    lil, agreed! Best rule EVER!

    Grant, you have an interesting defination of “unanimous”!?!

  22. What is it with men and morning spankings? It is the worst possible time to expect a woman to have connected with her submission. It seems like Ian thrives on them…
    I love your rule, bring on the resolution.

  23. Oh dear oh dear. My husband will actually peer into my cup before he asks me a question! I’ve had SO many morning spankings, I think we both have adjusted finally…sigh. I say things “in my head” with a tone and quite sarcastically! If it slips out he says “WHAT did you say?” and gives me a chance to back peddle. He refuses to acknowledge my Caffeine Clause officially, but (shhhhhh) he actually does try to be patient.
    I would have done exactly what you did with the gloves, btw. Are we the only ones who can read a label, read a manual, read a cookbook, program a new appliance? Sheesh.

  24. Sara,
    I’m with Missy, I’ve been reading but am just commenting for the first time. I think it took me about 3 weeks to read everything. You are really inspiring and I wish you and Grant the best in whatever comes your way next. Thank you so much for your blog, it really has helped me and I’m going to start being more active… Lurking is so safe though! ;)

    And I can’t commiserate with the coffee thing, I’m a green tea girl!

    Thanks again,

  25. Thanks Jill! And who IS human before coffee?

    lillie, I think we’d get every sub in blogland to sign our resolution. And every HOH would disregard it completely!

    Stormy, I say soooo very many things in my head. It’s my way to hold onto my sanity I think. I’d be upended constantly if I spoke ¼ of what I think!!!

    Hi Kay and thanks for delurking! We’re in general a very nice group of bloggers, and while lutrking is safe, joining in is much more fun! 

    Julia, UNFAIR! Now, if he brought me coffee in bed every morning, maybe we’d be able to work something out! ;)

  26. I firmly believe no one can speak to me until I have had the first cup. If this ‘rule’ is followed we won’t have any problem! See how reasonable? :)

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