Beauty and The Spanking Beast

I’ve been trying to figure out what to say here for weeks. I’m busy…super busy. My various business interests and projects have taken off in a big way. I’m beginning to feel like this big deal business woman who gets spanked at home…and that’s kind of weird, ya know?

In between that I am trying to be available to my kids, excercise, see doctors for follow-ups…on and on.

And then, yes, then, after all that, there is Grant, our marriage. I am clueless, or at least I was. I think I’d better post a disclaimer. After almost 28 years of married life and 8 years of Domestic Discipline I have no idea what I am doing. I’m starting over, still figuring it out, just like you, my friends.

Some of that is the major things we’ve been through, illness and life transitions, a break from discipline in our lives, and then a regrouping that has and is slowly taking place. BUT…things are different now. And how could they not be right? I mean, I am different. We are different. Our needs and views are slightly altered and we are readjusting everything. One would think, once you get your lives set, your marriage on an even keel, your DD organized and humming along that the work is done. I heard somewhere that this is when you get to live happily ever after. Right? I am sure the many women who have gone before said so:




Disney lies folks! There IS no happily ever after. But, there is happy, and there is ever after, and there is a meeting of the two when you work really hard and in my case submit to more punishment spankings that any 55 year old woman should have to! I’m on a roll, apparently! 
Or maybe Grants on a roll? Things have changed. Our dynamic has changed. It’s hard to describe the shift, but clearly Grant is now the keeper of TTWD…our DD. I no longer watch, worry (except when there’s a familiar sharp gleam in his eye or, perish the thought, a paddle in his hand). I don’t buy implements, I don’t give it a 2nd thought if he doesn’t catch me at something he might, and I don’t think I have asked for a spanking in…well I don’t remember when. If you know me through my writings, you know that I brought DD to my husband, and in many ways needed it so desperately, that I, like so many of you, worried about whether he was on board, read him suggestions, brought in new ideas and implements, suffered angst if he didn’t punish me. Now…eh, not so much.

The new Sara needs DD as much as the old one, but she’s way less interested in having her butt roasted and is less on board with giving up her newly found and enjoyed autonomy. This I have just realized. I’m a stubborn women and it took 3 spankings, none of which I was in full agreements with… at the time. And yes I told him exactly how wrong he was too! When has anyone ever known me to keep my mouth shut? I would almost feel sorry for him, except that my man needs a strong woman like me. We’re a good if fiery match.

I do know that I feel safer than I did several weeks ago. I do realize that whatever he is doing is working for not only him (he’s pretty pleased with this new arrangement, btw) but it’s working for me and thus for us. That doesn’t mean I “like” it, if you know what I mean. But I will admit I need it.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking; at least I have since the 3rd hard spanking in 10 days which was now 3 days ago. I’ve realized that I have stepped away from the intimacy that we’d had and shared and built through DD, our agreement that he would lead and I would follow. That agreement allowed us to be closer than any other arrangement we’d tried in the previous 20 years. We came to function like a couple in a 3 legged race. Yes, we were bound, but being bound can set you free. It’s one of the ironies of life. And as Janis Joplin penned: “Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose”.

At first the distance came from illness and a true need for Grant to step back and support, and for me to focus inward and heel. That healing took a very long time, and I am still dealing with small bits of it. And then Grant was ill next. And now that we’re both back, well, I had not even realized it, but I am very used to doing my own thing, in my own ways. And…I like it! It’s easy. It’s all about me. I still love my husband, love being with him, love the good times, but being bound, restricted, told what to do…having rules that don’t suit me. Well I had truly not given it much thought, but you know what? It’s hard to get back in the swing of things. It’s hard to accept rules that seem stupid less than important to me. It’s hard to step to the right when he says to step to the left just because it’s his call to make. Sigh…

I know you all want details. They’re coming. Even though some of them are frankly embarrassing for me to tell, they’re also about new things, changes, and it’s important, seeing and learning that DD can and will change as we can and will change. I guess for the rest of our lives! Who knew?

26 thoughts on “Beauty and The Spanking Beast

  1. I have been wondering how you were doing the past couple weeks…thanks for the update. I think, what you are doing is fully living life….. Also, I am over your 55, and still manage to get into enough trouble to have my butt roasted!
    hugs abby

  2. Hey Sara…Taking it slow and realizing that both of you have changed is a very good start. I’m sure you two will get back into the ‘swing’ in your own way and find what is best for your marriage. Good luck in your journey.


  3. Eight years. Wow. Your posts have been, literally, a godsend. Thank you for sharing your balanced perspective, and I don’t mean just balanced OTK :)
    It seems odd to me to feel this connected to someone who doesn’t know me but here goes.
    Your blog encouraged me to believe that TTWD (or DD or kink or whatever you want to call us) comes in all shapes and sizes, that there could be a fit just for Wes and I that didn’t look like anyone elses. Chelsea, Elysia and you gave me the courage to step out and ask for what I need. Grant and Clint and Henry set an example of men who can be trusted with this powershift and gave me the confidence to believe that Wes could be trusted with this power shift.
    Just meant to say hi, kind of got carried away there.
    Glad to hear that all is well.

  4. I well remember that time of nearly overloading Peter with information and posts about DD.I so wanted him to understand, VERY quickly .I was narky that he did not ‘get it’ straight away.I wanted him to embrace the whole thing (and not ask too many niggly questions). I mean talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth ! We’re on a comfortable roll over here and so this is good stuff for me to read as life always has its pekas and troughs.Have to say though, leaving it all up to Grant insofar as DD is concerned does seem a good place to be.And noone really likes the punishment spankings, do they ?! Here it is a case of tears before, during and after and then a slow reluctant acceptance….I’m a stubborn and feisty old bird too ! Sarah,LD,UK PS Sorry those early purchases of implements are now coming back to haunt you !

  5. Sunny Girl, giving up on myself, my husband or my marriage was never an option.

    Jan, once you’ve discovered new parts of yourselves, opened your marriage to new ways of being together, it’s not really a workable thing to go back to old ways that were less successful or satisfying. So…you move forward.

    Abby, so what you’re telling me is there will be no reprieve? At some point I assume I’ll be able to outrun him! ;)

    Thanks Cat. We are indeed doing things our own way, in our own time.

    Bea, I never tire of hearing how sharing our journey and my mental meanderings has helped another. Thank YOU for letting me know! How wonderful that you’re finding a way to make TTWD your own!

    “Stubborn”, “feisty”…who me? Old implements and new ones too Sarah. :shock: I’ve created a monster!

  6. What I like about TTWD is that it is always fluctuating never stagnant.
    Like what is happening to you and so many other people , what works today may not work tomorrow and then when that happens you keep modifying it until you get it to fit your needs.


  7. Sara,
    Thank you for this post. I’ve missed your writing!

    I think this post is so important – it really is about what is important to you both, what is not necessary, re-evaluating, learning about where each other is at depending on the stages of life, professional realities, child-rearing and health, and what benefits the two spouses, as a whole.

    In my opinion it’s about listening, learning, and loving – and t’s all about growth – individually, so that we can be be better, together.

    Elisa Xo

  8. life doesnt remain static does it…no aspect of life at all…this can be a good thing and it sounds to me like you are both taking the positives…its gotta be hard to get back into the swing of ttwd – but i have every faith you will get there…glad you two are back :)

  9. It’s very interesting Sara. It’s not that you were “in control” before. You two were clearly together and on the same page with Dd and he was in charge…but like you said, you’d brought it to him, educated him, led much of the process to get to that inter-dependent place with it. You worked really hard at it. This new you, the not wanting to be spanked you…it has to feel so much different and a bit out of your control when he is so clearly in the driver’s seat. Lol, what can I say, welcome to the world of the noodleheads! You have plenty of company, that’s for sure!

  10. All very true Bob. TTWD must change as we change and grow, or it wouldn’t work for us anymore.

    Elisa, “listening, learning, and loving”…I like that!
    Thanks Ana!

    Kiwi, no, life never has remained static so no clue why I keep resisting change, ya know?

    Things do feel a little
    different now Susie. It’s a subtle but meaningful shift. I guess it will just take some getting used to for me.

  11. I am not sure to be relieved that I can stumble the same way a veteran Dd wife does, or be fearful that I will continue to encounter these struggles Thank you so much for sharing. I am interested in reading what you discovered, and perhaps learn a little more about myself in the process :)
    ( no pressure

  12. I admire your honesty Sara, it’s what is often overlooked in many long-term relationships. And I think you will need to walk a very fine line with all the future business responsibilities you are taking on, and ensure you leave them at the door when you arrive home. Our men sometimes have great difficulty in acceptance of our professionalism – they won’t mention it ever, but they will often inwardly simmer. I still struggle with leaving my ‘I make all the decisions at work’ hat behind. Luckily I have decided to retire in the summer and intend to walk a very different path and pursue different options.

    I will always be grateful to you for ‘telling it like it is’. I worry, I suppose we all worry from time to time, when we reflect on how we have brought all of this to our husbands. As you know, I am still in the ‘reading him suggestions, suggesting different implements, talking and discussing my spanko leanings etc etc’ stage of our dynamic. It is VERY reassuring to have someone like you to refer to, and know that even being a bit older than you, that there is hope for me, for us. When you can’t just invite a friend around for a glass of wine or a coffee and talk over your worries and concerns, it is wonderful to have someone like you to turn to for advice/opinions/suggestions when needed.

    Thank you so very much for sharing this with us, and I hope you will elucidate further.

    Many hugs,


  13. Sounds like Grant is upping the ante so to speak and you’re struggling a little to catch up. Entirely natural I would think after what you’ve both been through. It’s going to be an interesting ride huh.
    Disney lies though? I’m totally gutted! :)

    Dee x

  14. I find it fascinating, following this journey that you and G are on. I’m so glad you’ve continued to write Sara, as I think it will help others who are going through similar struggles with finding their way. Oh and I love the title of this post too. lol

  15. willi, we all keep learning and I suspect that will always be the way of it.

    Ronnie, one thing you can count on is that we’re both too darn stibborn to give up! ;)

    Ami, I am sure you are right where you need to be for the time being, but you will see that TTWD will change as you and he do. It is challenging but feels good too, bc it is about growth. Yes, you are right on target about the work/home issue. I need to get back to dropping my briefcase by the door when I walk in the house.

    Dee, Grant IS upping the ante and yes, Disney lies. 

    Grace, I was hoping Grant wouldn’t be offended by the title or comparison…he was not.

  16. Sara,

    Your post really struck me. I think I am living this same thing in a microcosm. Every 10 days or so Alex travels out of the country for 3-4 days. While he is gone I am in charge of everything and, because he is not easy to reach, have to make important decisions, take care of myself and the kids and am on my own. But the minute he steps back through the door I am expected to stop being in charge and turn everything over to him. I find it really hard to flip flop between the two. I totally understand your mindset. Not sure the solution to this but I am hoping over time it will get easier since we are relatively new to this.

    Thanks for sharing. I really admire you.


  17. It would be a weird shift to have him guiding ttwd. Like you and many I brought it to him so I understand the early guiding, buying implements etc. I appreciate your honesty with all of this. It is kind of nice to know that even though life may throw us a curve ball we can (hopefully) rely on our Dd foundation to keep us moving smoothly. I do so hope that you both continue to feel better and like you said, safer. It’s a nice way to feel.

    Congrats on all your professional success. It sounds exciting. And good luck to your son as well. That’s exciting too.

  18. Sara, Lynda has never liked anything about the spankings except the results.

    So things are harder. Yet things are more successful than ever. A healed son who is getting married. A healed husband who has re-earned his place of leadership. A body well on its way of being healed, and more business success than you imagined. I remember your describing a series of crises in your work, and I’m sure they keep coming, but you keep moving above and beyond them.

    So everything is harder and everything is better. You and Grant are nothing short of amazing. Shalom, my friend.

    PS, it’s probably not my place to say, but i wonder if you need the spankings more than ever, even though you enjoy them less.

  19. Hi Sara, this is a great post, thank you for sharing, and for your honesty. I agree with Mick, harder, yet more successful. It sounds as though Grant is upping the ante. I’m glad you are feeling safer and that it is working for both of you. It must be such a huge adjustment re-starting after a break.


  20. Sam I know just what you mean. that “flip flop, being flexible and transforming oneself is NOT easy!

    Zoe, every change and shift in DD has felt weird for a while, when it was new. But you adjust and that’s what growth is about, right?

    Mick, no sane woman likes a punishment spanking. But I have never been as disinterested as I am these days. Yes, you are insightful and I really appreciate that! “So everything is harder and everything is better.” Yes.

    Roz, it is a huge adjustment, but also there is a sense of getting back to normal too…”our normal”, ante upped or not.

    Adjust or sink FD! 

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